Back in the saddle...
During my break, the first extended one since December, I began to sleep far less fitfully, with far fewer nightmares, I felt more rested, and I had a lot of time to walk and take in fresh air. I ate good food, I read The New Yorker and started Nick Hornby's new book, "A Long Way Down" (I like it so far, despite it's theme of suicide), and I just had down time. I feel like I never get down time, even though this is strange, considering that I'm single and am only working one night a week now (for the most part, though with Valerie gone, I'll have to work Monday nights again, along with Tuesday nights, my advising night). I think it's just that I'm always going, going, going, and I worry alot and get too caught up in things that probably aren't that important. I think I need to work on this aspect of my life more than anything. It was just so wonderful to take walks by the Charles River, or have relaxing lunches or dinners in Buffalo and Toronto with C. It was nice to go shopping for fun, to listen to a jazz concert (though it was about 90 degrees out, and I sweated a lot!) in downtown Toronto, to take a cruise around Toronto Harbour, to sit out on the 27th floor deck of the Delta Chelsea hotel, to see a movie ("Crash," which is really intense but extremely well acted and thought-provoking), and to sleep in. I guess I needed a vacation more than I needed!
I couldn't get home until today--the flights yesterday were sold out and I was flying companion fare, which is like stand-by--but that worked out okay, since C. and I got all of Sunday, and I was still home by 1pm today and off to the gym shortly thereafter. Now, though, my vacation is over, and I'm not ready for it to end! (Thankfully, next weekend is July 4th, so I get Monday off.) The weather is also supposed to be iffy for the next few days, so I'm lucky I had sun for nearly the entire break, and it won't bother me as much to be inside on cloudy/rainy days. I think I need to remember to slow down and just relax, to take long walks just for the heck of it (which I did this evening, after it had cooled down a bit), and to try not to get too bothered by things. The reality of my artistic world is that I have a lot more writing to do, and it may be a while until theatres/festivals are interested, and that I may never get cast by any theatre companies (no word from any of the 55 producers from the Stagesource auditions). The reality of my romantic world is that I just don't seem to attract men, and it may be quite a while before I get lucky and find the right (or somewhat right?) man (yes, I know he'll be lucky, too, but it's hard to think that way). The reality of my work world is that it is going to suck without a Registrar and the three of us in the department may have some problems until someone is hired; all I can do is work as hard as I can and not worry too much. And until I find a new therapist (hopefully one who specializes in cognitive behaviorial therapy), I need to see mine when I can (which isn't that often, due to distance and both of our tight schedules) and keep it together otherwise.
I will keep working out (not that I'm concerned about that ;-)), try not to pig out, walk more, and remember to breathe. And who knows: I could get a decent raise this year and actually be able to afford a new car within the near future (God, I cannot wait to kiss this crappy Kia goodbye). I almost bought a chair at Pier One tonight; I have to stay out of stores, unless they are Newbury Comics or Barnes and Noble, where I still have gift certificates to use, keep fighting the stupid condo association that wants to fine me (or actually my poor landlord) $275 (pathetic) for parking in my space after 8am (not true) on Tuesdays/Fridays and blocking the dumpster (absolutely not true), and enjoy as much of the summer as I can (I'm going to my sister's in Western Mass this weekend, to see the nieces and hang out at their country club's pool and their own lovely backyard deck). Summer is short and I don't want to bemoan its passing because I was too busy not to take advantage of it. It will get much busier for me in late July and all through August, but I need to pace myself and get out there when I can. And I will. I have to. Fame is so overrated, anyway. :--P