Worrying bad...taking action good!
I haven't written again b/c I haven't had much to say. What I'm writing about now isn't entirely relevant to the arts, BUT it is relevant to my life and times. I am quite dependent on my computer; I use it for about 6 hours a day at work and maybe another hour or two a day at home (sometimes less). Obsessive? Perhaps, but it calms me and keeps me informed. I have been quite lucky with my Dell thus far (knock on wood), and after initial trouble with the keyboard and mouse, rectified fairly quickly, everything has gone smoothly. UNTIL TONIGHT. For the first time, I was unable to use my mouse. It wasn't because it was disconnected (of course I checked that first), and it wasn't b/c the keyboard wasn't functioning (b/c I could turn the number lock key on and off by pressing it.
No, it was b/c when the computer started up, it said "keyboard failure," while a buzzing took place, and then...nada. Typically, I would have noticed this right away, but I haven't had to write any emails in the past 24 hours, and I also was still able to use the mouse, so I could access email and the internet. I found out tonight when I tried to type in an URL and couldn't, nor could I use any keyboard functions. I unplugged the keyboard, turned off the computer, and turned it back on. Nothing except the failure notice. I couldn't go to the website (or maybe I could, but I didn't), but instead tried going to the keyboard through Control Panel, and saw that there was no hardware attached! The manuel wasn't helpful, so I called Dell support (panicky; frankly, I still am, and the problem has been resolved!). Happily, a nice and informed technical representative discovered the problem quickly (a key was stuck! duh!). She then gave me a case number, her direct line, and the phone number for the extended warranty line (b/c it's clear I am going to need it b/f my warranty runs out the end of next month).
I am beyond relieved that it was such a simple problem and so easily rectified. The timing would have been horrible if it weren't fixed, since I'm now on vacation until June 28th (though it doesn't feel that way; I'm not at all relaxed and am still having nightmares) and therefore won't be in the office (except briefly on Tuesday, when we take my supervisor out for ice cream sundaes as a goodbye present; her last day is this Friday). What would I have done without email capabilities (well, response capabilities) for that long? I could not have done without them, is the answer, and I would have had to go into work every day (therefore nullifying the idea of vacation). I am going to be in Buffalo Thursday-Sunday, so I will have limited email access then, but besides that, I do intend to be online (and often).
Also, and more importantly, perhaps, I have set a goal of writing one and possibly two (though one is enough for now) short (10-minute) plays during my vacation. I have a couple of ideas: one is about a classmate several years ago who was sure I was gay, due to my short haircut and Doc Martens (I'm not, but he would not be persuaded). The other is dating related, but I can't remember exactly what I wanted to write about, so I guess that one is on hold, anyway. ;-) The former is more original, in any case, and is also a bit more edgy, which should work for either AYTB or SlamBoston's upcoming festivals (if the execution works, anyway). I did send AYTB a couple of monologues and my three-minute play on dating (which I think is cute), along w/ my 30-minute play, but I wanted to send something more contemporary, age-appropriate (their target audience is primarily 20-and early 30-somethings), and comic, and I think this could do the trick. Since I told AYTB I would send them the new play--I did this to put a bit of pressure on myself--I feel compelled to come through.
Sometimes (often) I forget that this is a HOBBY rather than my JOB, and that of course has been the problem from the beginning. I take this all waaaaaay too seriously, and forget that it's supposed to be for fun. That was the problem with improv (as Will at ImprovBoston told me time and time again), with auditions, and with writing. I have to remember that it really doesn't matter if my plays are accepted in the long run, b/c it's only because I want to write that I do, not because I have to, but I feel so defined by my art, and so meaningless in other parts of my life, that it's very difficult to just sluff it off. In addition, I am so insanely bad at just breathing, despite working out every day and yoga, now twice a week, and at just being, that it's as if I have to find things to worry about. I don't believe I do so consciously, and I'm better at finding peace than I once was (I worried about worrying when I was younger!), but I still find it hard to be still, without my mind racing. And 20 minutes later, my heart is still pumping about the computer.
Anyway, I really do want to write the play, b/c I will feel better about having a goal and getting it accomplished during the break (unstructured time is so tough for me), and I am hopeful the piece will be amusing and therefore accepted somewhere. I continue to see plays whenever I can, and know that comedies are typically easier in a short format and that I do have the capability to write comically. I can't forget how excited I was when my plays were accepted by the Arlington Players and Java Theatre festivals, and I want the chance to be that excited again! I am auditioning Tuesday for stagesource at their annual auditions, and I don't expect the outcome to be favorable, judging by last year's response to my monologue (two calls, one sketchy and the other from a serious improv troupe that didn't cast me). I don't WANT to do improv and I do want to act in a real play, so I am trying again. The piece I'm doing, the same monologue I performed for Theatre@First and the Devanaughn--why the Devanaughn is so resistant to using me I may never know--may not showcase my range as well as it could, but it is a decent expression of myself on stage, and I'm certain I'll be more comfortable than I was last year, which is all you can ask for. Also, if there happen to be any theatre reps in the audience who are looking for writers and they like my piece, well, maybe something could come of it. You can only hope.
In the meantime, I need to be disciplined about writing my new play, give it my best on Tuesday, try to enjoy my free time (tomorrow I have the 90 minute yoga class with Jess, followed by Father's Day in Newburyport with my mom and poor dad, who has ligament damage and needs surgery on his hands and possibly foot, though the latter won't occur for a while). We'll also see some of the conclusion of the US Open Golf Tournament (I will aways love watching golf on TV, unlike any of my friends--now THAT'S relaxing), and maybe I can start Nick Hornby's new novel, which I bought today using my gift certificate to Barnes and Noble (thanks to work for the $250 10 year anniversary present; who could have guessed I would be ANYWHERE for 10 years?!). I am also seeing "Take Me Out" at the BCA in the South End with A. on Wednesday night (we have been waiting for weeks to go, and got half-price tickets, 8th row), and may get to Walden Pond. And then there's the trip to Buffalo on Thursday, including an overnight in Toronto.
I definitely have a fun week planned; now I just have to calm myself enough to go to sleep (since yoga is at 9:30 tomorrow morning in Cambridge, 25 minutes away by car) and remind myself that it's okay that I haven't written any of the play yet b/c I WILL begin it on Monday. I really, really will (I am keeping the day open just for that reason; aside from therapy at 9:30am and working out, I have no other day or evening plans and don't intend to make any at this point, though I believe the weather should be sunny and in the 70s or even warmer). My other goal this week is to continue my efforts to resist bingeing--I had a decent week, eating-wise, though I could have done better--and to resist really fattening foods as well, though bingeing has been the cause of my weight gain, as it always is, and no amount of reasonable exercise will compensate for more careful eating. And with that, I am off to bed, and I will try to be better about writing, not waiting for a near-crisis, or one perceived to be, to motivate me to put keyboard to blog.
No, it was b/c when the computer started up, it said "keyboard failure," while a buzzing took place, and then...nada. Typically, I would have noticed this right away, but I haven't had to write any emails in the past 24 hours, and I also was still able to use the mouse, so I could access email and the internet. I found out tonight when I tried to type in an URL and couldn't, nor could I use any keyboard functions. I unplugged the keyboard, turned off the computer, and turned it back on. Nothing except the failure notice. I couldn't go to the website (or maybe I could, but I didn't), but instead tried going to the keyboard through Control Panel, and saw that there was no hardware attached! The manuel wasn't helpful, so I called Dell support (panicky; frankly, I still am, and the problem has been resolved!). Happily, a nice and informed technical representative discovered the problem quickly (a key was stuck! duh!). She then gave me a case number, her direct line, and the phone number for the extended warranty line (b/c it's clear I am going to need it b/f my warranty runs out the end of next month).
I am beyond relieved that it was such a simple problem and so easily rectified. The timing would have been horrible if it weren't fixed, since I'm now on vacation until June 28th (though it doesn't feel that way; I'm not at all relaxed and am still having nightmares) and therefore won't be in the office (except briefly on Tuesday, when we take my supervisor out for ice cream sundaes as a goodbye present; her last day is this Friday). What would I have done without email capabilities (well, response capabilities) for that long? I could not have done without them, is the answer, and I would have had to go into work every day (therefore nullifying the idea of vacation). I am going to be in Buffalo Thursday-Sunday, so I will have limited email access then, but besides that, I do intend to be online (and often).
Also, and more importantly, perhaps, I have set a goal of writing one and possibly two (though one is enough for now) short (10-minute) plays during my vacation. I have a couple of ideas: one is about a classmate several years ago who was sure I was gay, due to my short haircut and Doc Martens (I'm not, but he would not be persuaded). The other is dating related, but I can't remember exactly what I wanted to write about, so I guess that one is on hold, anyway. ;-) The former is more original, in any case, and is also a bit more edgy, which should work for either AYTB or SlamBoston's upcoming festivals (if the execution works, anyway). I did send AYTB a couple of monologues and my three-minute play on dating (which I think is cute), along w/ my 30-minute play, but I wanted to send something more contemporary, age-appropriate (their target audience is primarily 20-and early 30-somethings), and comic, and I think this could do the trick. Since I told AYTB I would send them the new play--I did this to put a bit of pressure on myself--I feel compelled to come through.
Sometimes (often) I forget that this is a HOBBY rather than my JOB, and that of course has been the problem from the beginning. I take this all waaaaaay too seriously, and forget that it's supposed to be for fun. That was the problem with improv (as Will at ImprovBoston told me time and time again), with auditions, and with writing. I have to remember that it really doesn't matter if my plays are accepted in the long run, b/c it's only because I want to write that I do, not because I have to, but I feel so defined by my art, and so meaningless in other parts of my life, that it's very difficult to just sluff it off. In addition, I am so insanely bad at just breathing, despite working out every day and yoga, now twice a week, and at just being, that it's as if I have to find things to worry about. I don't believe I do so consciously, and I'm better at finding peace than I once was (I worried about worrying when I was younger!), but I still find it hard to be still, without my mind racing. And 20 minutes later, my heart is still pumping about the computer.
Anyway, I really do want to write the play, b/c I will feel better about having a goal and getting it accomplished during the break (unstructured time is so tough for me), and I am hopeful the piece will be amusing and therefore accepted somewhere. I continue to see plays whenever I can, and know that comedies are typically easier in a short format and that I do have the capability to write comically. I can't forget how excited I was when my plays were accepted by the Arlington Players and Java Theatre festivals, and I want the chance to be that excited again! I am auditioning Tuesday for stagesource at their annual auditions, and I don't expect the outcome to be favorable, judging by last year's response to my monologue (two calls, one sketchy and the other from a serious improv troupe that didn't cast me). I don't WANT to do improv and I do want to act in a real play, so I am trying again. The piece I'm doing, the same monologue I performed for Theatre@First and the Devanaughn--why the Devanaughn is so resistant to using me I may never know--may not showcase my range as well as it could, but it is a decent expression of myself on stage, and I'm certain I'll be more comfortable than I was last year, which is all you can ask for. Also, if there happen to be any theatre reps in the audience who are looking for writers and they like my piece, well, maybe something could come of it. You can only hope.
In the meantime, I need to be disciplined about writing my new play, give it my best on Tuesday, try to enjoy my free time (tomorrow I have the 90 minute yoga class with Jess, followed by Father's Day in Newburyport with my mom and poor dad, who has ligament damage and needs surgery on his hands and possibly foot, though the latter won't occur for a while). We'll also see some of the conclusion of the US Open Golf Tournament (I will aways love watching golf on TV, unlike any of my friends--now THAT'S relaxing), and maybe I can start Nick Hornby's new novel, which I bought today using my gift certificate to Barnes and Noble (thanks to work for the $250 10 year anniversary present; who could have guessed I would be ANYWHERE for 10 years?!). I am also seeing "Take Me Out" at the BCA in the South End with A. on Wednesday night (we have been waiting for weeks to go, and got half-price tickets, 8th row), and may get to Walden Pond. And then there's the trip to Buffalo on Thursday, including an overnight in Toronto.
I definitely have a fun week planned; now I just have to calm myself enough to go to sleep (since yoga is at 9:30 tomorrow morning in Cambridge, 25 minutes away by car) and remind myself that it's okay that I haven't written any of the play yet b/c I WILL begin it on Monday. I really, really will (I am keeping the day open just for that reason; aside from therapy at 9:30am and working out, I have no other day or evening plans and don't intend to make any at this point, though I believe the weather should be sunny and in the 70s or even warmer). My other goal this week is to continue my efforts to resist bingeing--I had a decent week, eating-wise, though I could have done better--and to resist really fattening foods as well, though bingeing has been the cause of my weight gain, as it always is, and no amount of reasonable exercise will compensate for more careful eating. And with that, I am off to bed, and I will try to be better about writing, not waiting for a near-crisis, or one perceived to be, to motivate me to put keyboard to blog.
posted by Sue B at 8:30 AM
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