Why I said goodbye to YESAnd but not to auditioning
Some people who read this blog are also members of the YESAnd online community, started by Asaf Ronen. It's a website with an active message board for improvisers, sketch writers/performers, and those who are just interested in theatre and/or current events. I joined it about four years ago and left it yesterday. It just became too hard to read about others' successes, particularly in the area of performance. I don't like feeling sorry for myself, despite the fact that I do a lot ;-), and decided that rather than feel sad, rather than happy, for those who were getting to do shows, I would separate myself. If/when I have more success myself, and feel better overall about my situation, I may return there. (One nice thing about the online community, particularly YESAnd--you can come back anytime.)
Not surprisingly, I did NOT get cast by the Hovey Players on Monday night. I attribute that primarily to my sucky audition (at least, I perceive it to have been sucky), but it may have been that others were more 'right' for the parts they were casting (and after all, there were only four female roles available, and probably 10 women there). I wrote to Leigh, the producer, to see if she could help me figure out why I wasn't chosen, but she hasn't been able to find out from the directors, I guess, b/c I haven't heard back from her (and she said she would try to get some information for me, which was nice of her). I just felt terribly off that night; I think part of it was trying to do too much in the day, as I posted, and part of it was just bad luck, I guess (along w/ nerves and having little time to peruse the script I was primarily being considered for). Sometimes I do have strong auditions (although I still don't get cast: see Rough and Tumble Theatre and Theatre@First), so I know it's possible.
I wonder how much longer I should put myself through this hell (well, it's self-made hell), and my sister says I'll do it "til I get it out of my system, like improv." I can't really agree with her. I had hoped to make improv work, but the fact is that I'm not a strong improviser, never once, and no matter how hard I tried, I just didn't get much better. I certainly had good nights, especially under Victoria's tutelage (a theatre group at Mass College of Art I was part of for three terms), probably b/c the setting was so comfortable and the stakes were virtually nonexistant. But in general, I was not a particularly good improviser, as I can't do physical miming work (possibly due to a learning disability) and am not the quickest thinker on my feet. As a writer, I prefer to observe and particularly to revise, and that's not possible in improv.
As for theatre, I do it better, b/c of the ability to correct, to experiment, to PRACTICE and to find the rhythm, the character, the relationships (as is the case with writing, thank God). While I KNOW I'm a better writer than actor, there seems to be no reason I can't do both, and yet neither is coming through for me now. The Brown Coach Theatre in Chicago received 200 (!) submissions for their 10-minute play festival (shocking), and I can only take solace in the fact that my monologues were not about superstition, the festival's theme, so I probably shouldn't have sent them and doubted they would be chosen (though I hoped their quirkiness might be appreciated). The fact remains that, despite what might (might!) be my better judgement, I really do enjoy acting and what to keep doing it. I love seeing plays (last night I was fortunate to see "Laughing Wild" at the Boston Center for the Arts for free with D., and Christopher Durang, the playwright, played "Man," a wonderful experience), love commenting on them, and love ACTING in them as well (not to mention writing them, of course). I do have one in mind that I intend to try this weekend (assuming I'm not too tired) and that makes me happiest.
Getting to play with words and knowing that one's ideas can be appreciated by others is a tremendous privilege and honor and joy. Still, as we all know, writing can be very lonely (so thank God for writing groups like WriteOn, where I'm bringing my 15-minute piece, "Peanut Butter Sandwiches," in July), and I seek collaboration. I spend enough time alone, or grieving being alone, and getting to "play" with others is really healthy for me. At least I get to see many plays for free and with discounted prices through stagesource with D. and A. and even by myself, and tomorrow night I am going to the Playwright Platform's Summer Festival at the BPT at B.U. with A., a great chance to see more short work by local playwrights read. I always, always learn something through the experience, and the more connected I can get (this is a group I'm contemplating joining), the better. I have fantasies about being commissioned to write a play, far more likely than being cast in one of any substance (oh, I do love to moan!), but if I don't write, it ain't gonna happen. I need more source material, I feel, and seeing other works is always useful. But I soooo want to act--I can't help it, it's a passion of mine--and therefore I will continue to put myself through the audition wringer, hoping that someone sees something in me and casts me.
No one has told me to stop auditioning, at any rate (except my sister, and I think she just hates to see me get so hurt and depressed after each rejection), so I have to think I have a modicum of talent (not in improv, but in scripted work) or surely someone would have said, 'Ya know, Sue, writing is a good bet, but acting? Maybe not so much.' D. doesn't feel that way, and she was at the Theatre@First's auditions, casting (not me, but she didn't have a part for me), and I have to believe if she thought I sucked, she would tactfully say so, and she has said otherwise. I also realize that so many local companies cast themselves in their productions (duh, b/c otherwise why start the company if not for you and family and friends?), and I wouldn't mind starting something up with D. and others if D. and others were up for it. In the meantime, well, I will keep seeing plays, writing about plays, writing plays, and auditioning, with the hope that something works out. But reading about others getting cast: that seems to be masiochistic at this point, so I'll refrain from it, for now, anyway. I do hope all of my friends are successful in their endeavors, and when I am, too, I'll be right there, patting their backs as they pat mine. With any luck, that time isn't far in the future.
Not surprisingly, I did NOT get cast by the Hovey Players on Monday night. I attribute that primarily to my sucky audition (at least, I perceive it to have been sucky), but it may have been that others were more 'right' for the parts they were casting (and after all, there were only four female roles available, and probably 10 women there). I wrote to Leigh, the producer, to see if she could help me figure out why I wasn't chosen, but she hasn't been able to find out from the directors, I guess, b/c I haven't heard back from her (and she said she would try to get some information for me, which was nice of her). I just felt terribly off that night; I think part of it was trying to do too much in the day, as I posted, and part of it was just bad luck, I guess (along w/ nerves and having little time to peruse the script I was primarily being considered for). Sometimes I do have strong auditions (although I still don't get cast: see Rough and Tumble Theatre and Theatre@First), so I know it's possible.
I wonder how much longer I should put myself through this hell (well, it's self-made hell), and my sister says I'll do it "til I get it out of my system, like improv." I can't really agree with her. I had hoped to make improv work, but the fact is that I'm not a strong improviser, never once, and no matter how hard I tried, I just didn't get much better. I certainly had good nights, especially under Victoria's tutelage (a theatre group at Mass College of Art I was part of for three terms), probably b/c the setting was so comfortable and the stakes were virtually nonexistant. But in general, I was not a particularly good improviser, as I can't do physical miming work (possibly due to a learning disability) and am not the quickest thinker on my feet. As a writer, I prefer to observe and particularly to revise, and that's not possible in improv.
As for theatre, I do it better, b/c of the ability to correct, to experiment, to PRACTICE and to find the rhythm, the character, the relationships (as is the case with writing, thank God). While I KNOW I'm a better writer than actor, there seems to be no reason I can't do both, and yet neither is coming through for me now. The Brown Coach Theatre in Chicago received 200 (!) submissions for their 10-minute play festival (shocking), and I can only take solace in the fact that my monologues were not about superstition, the festival's theme, so I probably shouldn't have sent them and doubted they would be chosen (though I hoped their quirkiness might be appreciated). The fact remains that, despite what might (might!) be my better judgement, I really do enjoy acting and what to keep doing it. I love seeing plays (last night I was fortunate to see "Laughing Wild" at the Boston Center for the Arts for free with D., and Christopher Durang, the playwright, played "Man," a wonderful experience), love commenting on them, and love ACTING in them as well (not to mention writing them, of course). I do have one in mind that I intend to try this weekend (assuming I'm not too tired) and that makes me happiest.
Getting to play with words and knowing that one's ideas can be appreciated by others is a tremendous privilege and honor and joy. Still, as we all know, writing can be very lonely (so thank God for writing groups like WriteOn, where I'm bringing my 15-minute piece, "Peanut Butter Sandwiches," in July), and I seek collaboration. I spend enough time alone, or grieving being alone, and getting to "play" with others is really healthy for me. At least I get to see many plays for free and with discounted prices through stagesource with D. and A. and even by myself, and tomorrow night I am going to the Playwright Platform's Summer Festival at the BPT at B.U. with A., a great chance to see more short work by local playwrights read. I always, always learn something through the experience, and the more connected I can get (this is a group I'm contemplating joining), the better. I have fantasies about being commissioned to write a play, far more likely than being cast in one of any substance (oh, I do love to moan!), but if I don't write, it ain't gonna happen. I need more source material, I feel, and seeing other works is always useful. But I soooo want to act--I can't help it, it's a passion of mine--and therefore I will continue to put myself through the audition wringer, hoping that someone sees something in me and casts me.
No one has told me to stop auditioning, at any rate (except my sister, and I think she just hates to see me get so hurt and depressed after each rejection), so I have to think I have a modicum of talent (not in improv, but in scripted work) or surely someone would have said, 'Ya know, Sue, writing is a good bet, but acting? Maybe not so much.' D. doesn't feel that way, and she was at the Theatre@First's auditions, casting (not me, but she didn't have a part for me), and I have to believe if she thought I sucked, she would tactfully say so, and she has said otherwise. I also realize that so many local companies cast themselves in their productions (duh, b/c otherwise why start the company if not for you and family and friends?), and I wouldn't mind starting something up with D. and others if D. and others were up for it. In the meantime, well, I will keep seeing plays, writing about plays, writing plays, and auditioning, with the hope that something works out. But reading about others getting cast: that seems to be masiochistic at this point, so I'll refrain from it, for now, anyway. I do hope all of my friends are successful in their endeavors, and when I am, too, I'll be right there, patting their backs as they pat mine. With any luck, that time isn't far in the future.
posted by Sue B at 7:25 PM
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