Saturday, May 21, 2005

On risk and rejection, part thirteen

Well, this may have been a stupid thing to have done, but I set up an audition with the Devanaughn Theatre for Sunday, June 5th at noon (they are half-hour slots). Why stupid, you ask, and why potentially harmful? Well, I had vowed not to audition any more, at least not this summer, and then I go ahead and sign up for one. I did have a real reason to do so: This is for Devaughnan's whole season, 2005-06, and so if I didn't audition, I'd have no chance (most likely) of being chosen for anything. Also, I do like the stuff they do, and the theatre is close to work, so it's easy to get to. However, as nice as Artistic Director Rose Carlson has been to me in the past, the theatre has shown NO interest in either casting me or choosing my plays for the Dragonfly Festival. I feel as if this is the LAST time I take a chance with them. I'll do my monologue or monologues (based on how I did for Theatre@First, I feel pretty comfortable about the dating one from "Workin' Progress"), hopefully read from a couple of sides, and see what transpires. I can't help it--I really want to act! Writing is great, but it's nebulous, and it's rare you'll see your work performed. So it's important, but the contact with the theatre is infrequent, at best, and I really do need more.

I need to meet more people, become involved with more projects, and just put myself out there. While this may prove as disheartening as the last three times I tried with the Dev, I guess we'll see how it goes. I am not giving up anything to do this--it's on a day I had no other plans, and I can work out directly afterwards, especially useful if I feel discouraged after the half hour--and I know it's good experience to just put myself out there. What I haven't learned is how to become more thick-skinned through the process, and I know this is vital if I'm going to continue staying in this world and opening myself up to possible, even probable, rejection. While I get better at auditioning, the opportunities continue to elude me (and, to be fair, many others). I went on the Theatre@First website recently, and noticed that one of the board members (nice, at least via email) had not been cast! So it's certainly tough, and doesn't seem to get easier, despite my starting to become known in the community. Nonetheless, I won't get cast if I sit at home, so try I shall (though selectively).

I may also try out for Hovey's Short Play Festival (my play hasn't been chosen, but no one's has yet, so there is still the chance, slight as it is--this is a competitive festival), if they do have tryouts on June 6th (a night I'm free, and yes, right after the Dev's auditions, so maybe that's a good thing). Aside from that, and stagesource's auditions in July (not hoping for anything, w/ 250 people trying out--nothing came of it last year--except that it's a chance for a lot of people to see me at one time, and I sucked doing my monologue last year, so maybe I'll do better this year), that's it for the summer, and that's fine. I just realized that, through stagesource and The River, I get lots of half price and free ticket offers for plays and concerts, and aside from A. and occasionally D. (who is still at Cannes--so jealous), I have NO ONE to go to events with. And I mean NO ONE. I really need to expand my circle of friends, so I don't become too dependent on A. again (I can already see it's started) and so I can just diversify, which is healthy and critical.

I may go to TOOTH AND CLAW at the Calderwood Plaza by myself in the South End this afternoon, and that's fine, once in a while, and I'm also going to FALSETTOS at the Huntington Theatre in Boston by myself (both are free tickets), but dammit, there must be people who would enjoy going with me, and I don't know them! If I can't have a boyfriend, I sure do need female friends!!! So I'm out there again, and I don't feel optimistic, truly, but I will go in with as positive an attitude as I can muster and will desperately try not to leave feeling terrible (or feeling worse if/when I don't get good news, or any news, for that matter). Thankfully, this is a busy weekend, and a busier week, and next weekend is the River show at Avalon, Commencement, and then my sister's visit, so I won't have any time to wallow in sadness. Free time usually equals unhappy time for me (unless I'm really tired or burnt out). Anyway, I carry on, and perhaps I'll have happy news to report in the near future.

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