On risk and rejection (and success!), part two...
Well, I was all prepared to write this entry about how hard it is to fail when those around you are succeeding, blah, blah, blah, and then...MY TWENTY-MINUTE PLAY GOT ACCEPTED INTO A SHORT PLAY FESTIVAL! I am totally happy dancing in my seat and have notified nearly everyone I know to tell them! :-) The problem--yes, there always has to be one--is how excited I got by this acceptance (the first time a play as opposed to a monologue has been accepted into anything) and how crushing it will be the next time a rejection email comes around. But I will let that problem wait for a bit while I bask in the happiness of being successful, of achieving a measure of success, and how happy I feel about receiving this external validation. As I am new to playwriting, I had no idea if anyone would have any interest in either of my plays, "Peanut Butter Sandwiches" or "Uncharted Territory" (terrible name, has to be changed), and I see that at least one company, the Arlington Players, does. A reading is not a full production, of course, but that's fine, as that is how the majority of plays (or at least many) get developed, and I will get valuable feedback in seeing it performed (and of course interpreted in the process).
I was totally prepared to feel sad tonight, as I had already found out that one of fellow playwright and friend D's plays had been accepted and I just assumed (wrongly, I now see) that mine would not be. Why? Just because. I have little confidence in the artistic process, and I have received so many acting rejections that I naturally assumed that the same would be the case with writing. I have received a few rejections (and this isn't counting the 30-something ones I got back in the mid 90-s for my short stories), but already have doubled (two to one) the success of my acting tryouts (nothing except SLAMBoston, which is great, but...well...it's just one company, two directors, actually, and that's it, and nothing since January). I was supposed to attend an audition tonight--sort of a call back--but I decided to have a birthday dinner with my parents instead, b/c it would be (and was) fun and b/c I just wasn't in the mood to put myself through another 2 1/2-3 hours of auditioning when the end result was likely to be negative (though of course it could be otherwise, but I've already auditioned, so we'll just see what happens from that).
I assumed I would come home and see the NO email, tentatively and with trepidation opened it, and was delighted and amazed to see it was a YES. The play will be performed April 29th in Davis Square, Somerville, and I will certainly will be there, as will my friend A. and D. and her husband and other friends. It is an amazing high that one receives when accepted (and in fact desiring this acceptance; it's not like auditioning for a play you didn't really want to get cast in and having it happen, or interviewing for a job you don't really want and being offered the position). I suppose I shouldn't (bad one, I know) get so excited, b/c it means that means so much to me, and it means when the next rejection comes, I will be terribly downhearted. On the other hand, it also means that I care passionately about my work (as I do) and my art and I want to share it with others. There is no money involved, and little fame, but there is a lot of satisfaction in others receiving my work favorably.
As I've wanted to write since I was a little girl, and have in fact been doing so, in one way or another, since I was 6 or 7, it's not incredibly surprising that I would have at least a modicum of success in the field, although that wasn't the case when I was sending out short stories in the 90s. I think I've had the technique down for quite some time, but not the distance. Once I began writing about others, rather than just myself (and in a pretty autobiographical, thinly veiled way), I began having more success, and I think this will continue to be the case, blog notwithstanding (no one ever said this was great art, nor is it meant to be; rather, it's a contemplative look at events that are happening in my and others' lives). I really do want to act, and desperately hope to be cast in something, but now both D. and I know that our work has merit (we were both recently contemplating whether it made sense to write or whether we might be wasting our time; I argued otherwise, but it was hard to defend that viewpoint, given that both of us had only received rejections to that point, at least me and her for a while). We both have a lot more to write, and revisions to make, but at least we have the impetus to continue.
I sometimes wonder whether acting is out of reach--if it's something that just isn't meant to be, b/c I'm too old or too ordinary looking or really just too ordinary and only slightly talented and thus not someone most would have any interest in casting. I would like to believe otherwise, and in fact believe my auditioning has gotten much stronger in the past six months, so I will continue to audition, but it's hard when success has been minimal at best. It is not, however, going to be hard to continue writing, and in fact I am surging with enthusiasm, at least this evening, and cannot wait to actually see my words come to life on a stage (and not once but twice in the same weekend, while all I have to do is sit and watch and enjoy and take notes but have no other worries!!!).
I'll conclude by noting that I had a long, really nice conversation with my friend L. in California last night. Sadly, L. has been unemployed since December, I believe, and this has resulted in a fair amount of depression and anxiety. The good news is that she had a very promising interview last week and will find out soon if she will be hired by them in the next couple of weeks. I complete understand how much she has suffered--this was the case with me the last time I was unemployed--and reminded me again of how dependent we are on our jobs, or careers (with luck they are one and the same), to make us feel worthwhile, even if we don't need them for the money (and I certainly do). Self-esteem is so wrapped up with success, and I won't pretend that rejection doesn't hurt me like hell, b/c it does, whether it be in dating, or in a play not accepted, or in a less-than-enjoyable date, or even in someone cancelling on our plans at the last minute (for reasons that might not be even remotely tied to me). I feel pretty hopeless about dating at the moment, but that's for another evening. For now, I will wish L. and K. (who has an interview this Thursday) the best of luck and will continue to inwardly celebrate my literary success and hope for more of it in the future. If nothing else, it was a lovely way to end a nice birthday weekend.
I was totally prepared to feel sad tonight, as I had already found out that one of fellow playwright and friend D's plays had been accepted and I just assumed (wrongly, I now see) that mine would not be. Why? Just because. I have little confidence in the artistic process, and I have received so many acting rejections that I naturally assumed that the same would be the case with writing. I have received a few rejections (and this isn't counting the 30-something ones I got back in the mid 90-s for my short stories), but already have doubled (two to one) the success of my acting tryouts (nothing except SLAMBoston, which is great, but...well...it's just one company, two directors, actually, and that's it, and nothing since January). I was supposed to attend an audition tonight--sort of a call back--but I decided to have a birthday dinner with my parents instead, b/c it would be (and was) fun and b/c I just wasn't in the mood to put myself through another 2 1/2-3 hours of auditioning when the end result was likely to be negative (though of course it could be otherwise, but I've already auditioned, so we'll just see what happens from that).
I assumed I would come home and see the NO email, tentatively and with trepidation opened it, and was delighted and amazed to see it was a YES. The play will be performed April 29th in Davis Square, Somerville, and I will certainly will be there, as will my friend A. and D. and her husband and other friends. It is an amazing high that one receives when accepted (and in fact desiring this acceptance; it's not like auditioning for a play you didn't really want to get cast in and having it happen, or interviewing for a job you don't really want and being offered the position). I suppose I shouldn't (bad one, I know) get so excited, b/c it means that means so much to me, and it means when the next rejection comes, I will be terribly downhearted. On the other hand, it also means that I care passionately about my work (as I do) and my art and I want to share it with others. There is no money involved, and little fame, but there is a lot of satisfaction in others receiving my work favorably.
As I've wanted to write since I was a little girl, and have in fact been doing so, in one way or another, since I was 6 or 7, it's not incredibly surprising that I would have at least a modicum of success in the field, although that wasn't the case when I was sending out short stories in the 90s. I think I've had the technique down for quite some time, but not the distance. Once I began writing about others, rather than just myself (and in a pretty autobiographical, thinly veiled way), I began having more success, and I think this will continue to be the case, blog notwithstanding (no one ever said this was great art, nor is it meant to be; rather, it's a contemplative look at events that are happening in my and others' lives). I really do want to act, and desperately hope to be cast in something, but now both D. and I know that our work has merit (we were both recently contemplating whether it made sense to write or whether we might be wasting our time; I argued otherwise, but it was hard to defend that viewpoint, given that both of us had only received rejections to that point, at least me and her for a while). We both have a lot more to write, and revisions to make, but at least we have the impetus to continue.
I sometimes wonder whether acting is out of reach--if it's something that just isn't meant to be, b/c I'm too old or too ordinary looking or really just too ordinary and only slightly talented and thus not someone most would have any interest in casting. I would like to believe otherwise, and in fact believe my auditioning has gotten much stronger in the past six months, so I will continue to audition, but it's hard when success has been minimal at best. It is not, however, going to be hard to continue writing, and in fact I am surging with enthusiasm, at least this evening, and cannot wait to actually see my words come to life on a stage (and not once but twice in the same weekend, while all I have to do is sit and watch and enjoy and take notes but have no other worries!!!).
I'll conclude by noting that I had a long, really nice conversation with my friend L. in California last night. Sadly, L. has been unemployed since December, I believe, and this has resulted in a fair amount of depression and anxiety. The good news is that she had a very promising interview last week and will find out soon if she will be hired by them in the next couple of weeks. I complete understand how much she has suffered--this was the case with me the last time I was unemployed--and reminded me again of how dependent we are on our jobs, or careers (with luck they are one and the same), to make us feel worthwhile, even if we don't need them for the money (and I certainly do). Self-esteem is so wrapped up with success, and I won't pretend that rejection doesn't hurt me like hell, b/c it does, whether it be in dating, or in a play not accepted, or in a less-than-enjoyable date, or even in someone cancelling on our plans at the last minute (for reasons that might not be even remotely tied to me). I feel pretty hopeless about dating at the moment, but that's for another evening. For now, I will wish L. and K. (who has an interview this Thursday) the best of luck and will continue to inwardly celebrate my literary success and hope for more of it in the future. If nothing else, it was a lovely way to end a nice birthday weekend.
posted by Sue B at 6:55 PM
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