And now for something COMPLETELY different (a measured response!)
And yes, most of that is from Monty Python. :-) Based on a few responses I've received lately (and thanks for reading, guys) and my overall thoughts, I've decided to offer a more tempered view of things today. I would hate those of you who know me well or don't know me as well or don't know me at all--as in, all of you--to think my life was horrible and/or my feelings about life were utterly depressive and possibly unrealistic. This isn't the case at all. I'm learning about blogging as I'm going along, and it's a mix of journal writing, memoir, and perhaps some entertaining, enlightening, or enlightened comments and quips as well. I guess I've been more dour than upbeat lately, and while I'm not sure I should apologize for that--these are based on my feelings at the time I post, and of course they are real (I'm nothing if not honest)--I think more "fair and balanced" reporting (unlike our "friends" at FOX News) is in order, and I promise to strive to provide that.
So, how ARE things going? Well, knock wood, not badly. I have a steady job, friends, a family I'm close to, a nice (small but nice) apartment that's near the subway, the opportunity to see lots of theatre, and the chance to audition and send out my writing. There are lots of disappointments and frustrations I encounter, particularly in the area of performance and dating, but that's to be expected, I suppose. One thing I do take some issue with is when people accuse me of not trying, of not being able to deal with rejection, or not just going out and putting on a damned show myself! What some of you may not know is that last year I performed a one-woman show in Cambridge, Boston, and even NYC (the latter costing me a fair amount of money with view benefits except the experience of doing it) throughout the year. I wrote the show, I did all (I mean ALL) of the marketing and p.r. for it, I booked the venues, I picked the music, I arranged the tech, and I of course performed.
My former acting instructor was my director for a number of months, and she helped a lot, initially, with confidence-building, blocking, and editing. However, after about five months or so, she grew tired of the process, and began to extricate herself from it. She also recommended changes that I didn't really agree with, so in September she resigned as director (she wasn't getting paid, so believe me, I was grateful for the help), and I had to go it alone, making it even more difficult. I was never sure if the tech person would show up or understand the directions (and since it was always someone knew, mistakes were inevitable, since the rehearsal was virtually NIL). I never knew how many people would show up, or if they would like it, but more importantly, I had no one to share the process with, to help me warm up, to give notes, to take on some of the pre-show burdens. It was me and ME, and that's just too tough (and not recommended). I never got paid for any of my performances (well, I think I might have made about $20 for the Wednesday night shows, but that was it), so I really couldn't afford to pay a director, though I did pay a consultant $50 and she made some helpful changes.
My point is that I did exactly what people suggested--go out and do it for myself--and the result ended up being extremely stressful. The performance ended up taking a backseat to all of the prep before the show, and by the time I got on, I could barely focus. That's not what performance is supposed to be about! It's one thing to start your own company or troupe (which I've also done, and which included directing, p.r., and acting as numbers dissipated), where you have the support and participation of others, and another thing to go it alone, which I really DON'T suggest, though again, it was wonderful experience. Now I'm writing my own plays, short for the moment (anywhere from 2-20 minutes), on the way to a one-act play, and depending on others to accept the work, and thus far it hasn't happened. That doesn't mean it WON'T, of course, and also doesn't mean the work is even worthy of being produced (I think it is, but am not entirely sure), but simply that it hasn't happened yet.
One difference between writing and performing is that you can continue to do it even without tangible success. You continue to write while you wait to see if your work is being accepted, and unless you have serious misgivings, you still write, regardless. There is, of course, a measure of faith you have to have, but if you need to write, then you do. With acting, it's hard to do it in isolation--acting in one's bedroom just doesn't work too well--and I've already mentioned the difficulty with going it alone, although of course it doesn't have to be that way. You can always rent a theatre and "put on a show!" with friends, but again that does entail a fair number of costs and time and effort, and by the time you're ready to perform, you might not have any energy left to devote to the performance.
That said, I am auditioning for a reputable troupe tonight (that uses improv toward scripted work) and am also auditioning for a troupe next week that incorporates both improv and improv-inspired sketch in their performances. I'm not particularly confident about being asked to join either troupe, particularly the former (only two slots available, and they are a very well-known company), but if you don't try, you can't succeed, and it's always good experience to audition (and in the best cases, it's fun as well). What I also intend to do--will do--is continue writing, and want to take a playwriting class in the fall, as my formal training in playwriting is nearly nil (aside from a five week course at the Boston Center for Adult Ed, and that hardly qualifies as serious instruction, although it gave me the needed jump start). I have an MFA in Creative Writing, but that was in short fiction, and while the two, playwriting and short story writing, share many of the same skills, they are different beasts (plus I received my degree a decade ago--!!!--and I'm rather rusty). It's necessary to workshop one's work, and I also work better with structure (i.e., having deadlines), so the pressure of producing work each week, along with the feedback, will be extremely helpful.
I go through highs and lows in my creative life, but because I believe I am a talented writer, and I've always wanted and NEEDED to write, I will continue to do so. I'm not as sure with performing, but it's certainly fun, and I will do it when I can. I get down, but I pick myself up and carry on. I cannot say the same thing with dating. Suffice it to say that my track record is very poor indeed, and the truth is that the older you get, the harder it is to find eligible partners. Since I don't want children, I'm not worried about the "biological clock" winding down, but I do wonder about spending the rest of my life sans partner. I'm not even thinking about marriage, but more about having a companion to share the good and bad with.
Friends are so important, and I would never discount them, but you cannot attain the same intimacy with them, nor should you. OkCupid and match.com, as well as online personals, just haven't worked for me (and I have tried all of these methods)--I even tried a dating service when I was younger--and I work in a field that is dominated by women and gay and married men. Single straight men my age are few and far between. I'm not exactly worried but I am rather sad about my prospects. The old adages are "When you least expect it, it happens" and "When you're not looking, he will come along," but I'm not so sure. Nonetheless, dwelling on my single state doesn't help, and because looking in places like online services hasn't either, I just have to let life take its course. I work out nearly every day (too much, thus the knee and heel energies, and have to cut back a bit), I watch my weight, I try to dress well (well, I dress a lot better than I used to), and I hope I present a confident image. There's not much else I can do. Trust me, I don't sit in my apartment every day and bemoan my state--there's no time for that, and I'm a busy person--but it hits on Friday and Saturday nights, or other times when co-workers or friends share their stories of buying their first condo with their significant other or what have you. Still, since there's not much I can do, I just need to keep working on me and let life happen.
I guess in conclusion, I'm just trying to say that I realize life isn't perfect for anyone, and I'm grateful for what I have. It's also easier to complain than to exult (though I promise that if I make a troupe, get promoted, meet a man, or have a play produced you all will be among the first to know!), but I will try to write down the good as well as the bad. Today, for example, is a beautiful spring day, with highs expected to reach 60 degrees. After some time spent reading the paper, I'm going to pick up a large veggie pizza and meet three friends for a picnic and walk. Then I'll try out for the aforementioned troupe, and finish off the night with reading. There are far worse ways to spend a Sunday. Complacency really isn't such a bad thing, and my goal is to try to stay within the moment--improv teaches this, and yoga requires it, via breathing and instruction--and enjoy what I can. That's all I can really do.
So, how ARE things going? Well, knock wood, not badly. I have a steady job, friends, a family I'm close to, a nice (small but nice) apartment that's near the subway, the opportunity to see lots of theatre, and the chance to audition and send out my writing. There are lots of disappointments and frustrations I encounter, particularly in the area of performance and dating, but that's to be expected, I suppose. One thing I do take some issue with is when people accuse me of not trying, of not being able to deal with rejection, or not just going out and putting on a damned show myself! What some of you may not know is that last year I performed a one-woman show in Cambridge, Boston, and even NYC (the latter costing me a fair amount of money with view benefits except the experience of doing it) throughout the year. I wrote the show, I did all (I mean ALL) of the marketing and p.r. for it, I booked the venues, I picked the music, I arranged the tech, and I of course performed.
My former acting instructor was my director for a number of months, and she helped a lot, initially, with confidence-building, blocking, and editing. However, after about five months or so, she grew tired of the process, and began to extricate herself from it. She also recommended changes that I didn't really agree with, so in September she resigned as director (she wasn't getting paid, so believe me, I was grateful for the help), and I had to go it alone, making it even more difficult. I was never sure if the tech person would show up or understand the directions (and since it was always someone knew, mistakes were inevitable, since the rehearsal was virtually NIL). I never knew how many people would show up, or if they would like it, but more importantly, I had no one to share the process with, to help me warm up, to give notes, to take on some of the pre-show burdens. It was me and ME, and that's just too tough (and not recommended). I never got paid for any of my performances (well, I think I might have made about $20 for the Wednesday night shows, but that was it), so I really couldn't afford to pay a director, though I did pay a consultant $50 and she made some helpful changes.
My point is that I did exactly what people suggested--go out and do it for myself--and the result ended up being extremely stressful. The performance ended up taking a backseat to all of the prep before the show, and by the time I got on, I could barely focus. That's not what performance is supposed to be about! It's one thing to start your own company or troupe (which I've also done, and which included directing, p.r., and acting as numbers dissipated), where you have the support and participation of others, and another thing to go it alone, which I really DON'T suggest, though again, it was wonderful experience. Now I'm writing my own plays, short for the moment (anywhere from 2-20 minutes), on the way to a one-act play, and depending on others to accept the work, and thus far it hasn't happened. That doesn't mean it WON'T, of course, and also doesn't mean the work is even worthy of being produced (I think it is, but am not entirely sure), but simply that it hasn't happened yet.
One difference between writing and performing is that you can continue to do it even without tangible success. You continue to write while you wait to see if your work is being accepted, and unless you have serious misgivings, you still write, regardless. There is, of course, a measure of faith you have to have, but if you need to write, then you do. With acting, it's hard to do it in isolation--acting in one's bedroom just doesn't work too well--and I've already mentioned the difficulty with going it alone, although of course it doesn't have to be that way. You can always rent a theatre and "put on a show!" with friends, but again that does entail a fair number of costs and time and effort, and by the time you're ready to perform, you might not have any energy left to devote to the performance.
That said, I am auditioning for a reputable troupe tonight (that uses improv toward scripted work) and am also auditioning for a troupe next week that incorporates both improv and improv-inspired sketch in their performances. I'm not particularly confident about being asked to join either troupe, particularly the former (only two slots available, and they are a very well-known company), but if you don't try, you can't succeed, and it's always good experience to audition (and in the best cases, it's fun as well). What I also intend to do--will do--is continue writing, and want to take a playwriting class in the fall, as my formal training in playwriting is nearly nil (aside from a five week course at the Boston Center for Adult Ed, and that hardly qualifies as serious instruction, although it gave me the needed jump start). I have an MFA in Creative Writing, but that was in short fiction, and while the two, playwriting and short story writing, share many of the same skills, they are different beasts (plus I received my degree a decade ago--!!!--and I'm rather rusty). It's necessary to workshop one's work, and I also work better with structure (i.e., having deadlines), so the pressure of producing work each week, along with the feedback, will be extremely helpful.
I go through highs and lows in my creative life, but because I believe I am a talented writer, and I've always wanted and NEEDED to write, I will continue to do so. I'm not as sure with performing, but it's certainly fun, and I will do it when I can. I get down, but I pick myself up and carry on. I cannot say the same thing with dating. Suffice it to say that my track record is very poor indeed, and the truth is that the older you get, the harder it is to find eligible partners. Since I don't want children, I'm not worried about the "biological clock" winding down, but I do wonder about spending the rest of my life sans partner. I'm not even thinking about marriage, but more about having a companion to share the good and bad with.
Friends are so important, and I would never discount them, but you cannot attain the same intimacy with them, nor should you. OkCupid and match.com, as well as online personals, just haven't worked for me (and I have tried all of these methods)--I even tried a dating service when I was younger--and I work in a field that is dominated by women and gay and married men. Single straight men my age are few and far between. I'm not exactly worried but I am rather sad about my prospects. The old adages are "When you least expect it, it happens" and "When you're not looking, he will come along," but I'm not so sure. Nonetheless, dwelling on my single state doesn't help, and because looking in places like online services hasn't either, I just have to let life take its course. I work out nearly every day (too much, thus the knee and heel energies, and have to cut back a bit), I watch my weight, I try to dress well (well, I dress a lot better than I used to), and I hope I present a confident image. There's not much else I can do. Trust me, I don't sit in my apartment every day and bemoan my state--there's no time for that, and I'm a busy person--but it hits on Friday and Saturday nights, or other times when co-workers or friends share their stories of buying their first condo with their significant other or what have you. Still, since there's not much I can do, I just need to keep working on me and let life happen.
I guess in conclusion, I'm just trying to say that I realize life isn't perfect for anyone, and I'm grateful for what I have. It's also easier to complain than to exult (though I promise that if I make a troupe, get promoted, meet a man, or have a play produced you all will be among the first to know!), but I will try to write down the good as well as the bad. Today, for example, is a beautiful spring day, with highs expected to reach 60 degrees. After some time spent reading the paper, I'm going to pick up a large veggie pizza and meet three friends for a picnic and walk. Then I'll try out for the aforementioned troupe, and finish off the night with reading. There are far worse ways to spend a Sunday. Complacency really isn't such a bad thing, and my goal is to try to stay within the moment--improv teaches this, and yoga requires it, via breathing and instruction--and enjoy what I can. That's all I can really do.
posted by Sue B at 6:35 AM
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