And I got upset for nothing...is rejection not rejection when it's imagined?
Well, I thought I got a rejection email today; and it turns out otherwise, as I hadn't applied to this festival! I guess I found out who was accepted b/c I'm on the Boston Playwrights List. Of course, I jumped to conclusions and assumed I had not been accepted, AGAIN, and when I looked at the submission guidelines, I realized I hadn't even sent anything. I am relieved (and when I saw some of the usual cast of suspects, I was a bit disheartened, but less so now). I started a thread on YESAnd about rejection (not the first from me, and not the last, I guarantee you) and whether I ought to keep going or just give up. The response has been varied, from "take a break" to "engage in other artistic pursuits" to "keep doing it if it's what you love, b/c you have to, "and variations of same. I don't primarily write to be produced, but of course that is one of the benefits one hopes for.
As an example, I know there aren't hundreds of people reading this blog, but if no one were, would I keep it? Probably not. I could just scribble some thoughts in a journal, the way I used to, and no one would see and no one would know. I write this with the intention of *someone* taking a look, and that helps me write a bit more crisply, be a little bit more creative (maybe not tonight, b/c I'm tired, but usually ;-)), and also be more disciplined. If I were certain that no one would ever read this but me, or fairly certain, it would be hard to keep up the fight. Granted, I wouldn't write if I didn't want to, of course--I'd find another way of expressing my thoughts, ideas, etc.--but really, why write if no one will read. If a tree falls in the forest and all that, you know? I will say, though, that with writing you still produce something, and you can read it, if no one else, and it's bound to get read (this is at least the case with poetry and short fiction and the like; maybe not w/ playwriting). With acting, you have a different beast, b/c it's a collaborative effort, and if it isn't being staged somewhere, and typically with others involved, well, there's no theatre. Acting in my bedroom yields NO joy for me, frankly (whereas writing can still be pleasurable, or cathartic, if nothing else).
Because writing is as natural to me as breathing (or nearly so), and acting is not, me thinks acting may be taking a permanent backseat to other pursuits. God knows, I find it fun, and I love the people I meet and the collaborative nature of it. It can also be such a high to perform. But I must admit that playing other people doesn't do for me what it does for others. In fact, my favorite part of improv was always the monologues I did, whether real (to inspire scenes) or character-driven. Still, it wasn't so much acting as speaking that excited me, as did emceeing and doing my one-person show, where I pretty much played myself. This really does give me pause. Perhaps writing material for others is the key, or for myself, but autobiographical work. I've always felt odd when I was called a different name (i.e., the name of the character) in Victoria's acting class at Mass College of Art, and purposely didn't name the characters in the monologues I wrote (except, perhaps, "woman") b/c it felt odd to take on someone else's name, someone else's identity. Since that is precisely what acting is, we seem to have run into some cognitive dissonance, and maybe that's the issue; I love theatre but acting may not be for me (but writing and perhaps directing, which I've done in the past, and certainly critiquing, are).
I can't see myself stage managing, b/c details aren't really my bag (if they aren't writing-related, that is, as I'm a strong editor), but directing? Maybe. And I've been involved with promotions, too, and marketing, and enjoyed those. I think the problem is that I want the attention, want the thrill of applause, rather than being in the background. Of course, if you're the playwright, the attention is still there, and the excitement of developing a piece that others will present. I think writing is the perfect solution (particularly if I could assist with casting or directing in some way, so continue to be involved with the creative process), and this is where I intend to focus my efforts in the future. I haven't written much (aside from my one-person show) and I need to keep creating. And then see where this takes me.
But I won't pretend every rejection doesn't hurt, even if it was a supposed one.
As an example, I know there aren't hundreds of people reading this blog, but if no one were, would I keep it? Probably not. I could just scribble some thoughts in a journal, the way I used to, and no one would see and no one would know. I write this with the intention of *someone* taking a look, and that helps me write a bit more crisply, be a little bit more creative (maybe not tonight, b/c I'm tired, but usually ;-)), and also be more disciplined. If I were certain that no one would ever read this but me, or fairly certain, it would be hard to keep up the fight. Granted, I wouldn't write if I didn't want to, of course--I'd find another way of expressing my thoughts, ideas, etc.--but really, why write if no one will read. If a tree falls in the forest and all that, you know? I will say, though, that with writing you still produce something, and you can read it, if no one else, and it's bound to get read (this is at least the case with poetry and short fiction and the like; maybe not w/ playwriting). With acting, you have a different beast, b/c it's a collaborative effort, and if it isn't being staged somewhere, and typically with others involved, well, there's no theatre. Acting in my bedroom yields NO joy for me, frankly (whereas writing can still be pleasurable, or cathartic, if nothing else).
Because writing is as natural to me as breathing (or nearly so), and acting is not, me thinks acting may be taking a permanent backseat to other pursuits. God knows, I find it fun, and I love the people I meet and the collaborative nature of it. It can also be such a high to perform. But I must admit that playing other people doesn't do for me what it does for others. In fact, my favorite part of improv was always the monologues I did, whether real (to inspire scenes) or character-driven. Still, it wasn't so much acting as speaking that excited me, as did emceeing and doing my one-person show, where I pretty much played myself. This really does give me pause. Perhaps writing material for others is the key, or for myself, but autobiographical work. I've always felt odd when I was called a different name (i.e., the name of the character) in Victoria's acting class at Mass College of Art, and purposely didn't name the characters in the monologues I wrote (except, perhaps, "woman") b/c it felt odd to take on someone else's name, someone else's identity. Since that is precisely what acting is, we seem to have run into some cognitive dissonance, and maybe that's the issue; I love theatre but acting may not be for me (but writing and perhaps directing, which I've done in the past, and certainly critiquing, are).
I can't see myself stage managing, b/c details aren't really my bag (if they aren't writing-related, that is, as I'm a strong editor), but directing? Maybe. And I've been involved with promotions, too, and marketing, and enjoyed those. I think the problem is that I want the attention, want the thrill of applause, rather than being in the background. Of course, if you're the playwright, the attention is still there, and the excitement of developing a piece that others will present. I think writing is the perfect solution (particularly if I could assist with casting or directing in some way, so continue to be involved with the creative process), and this is where I intend to focus my efforts in the future. I haven't written much (aside from my one-person show) and I need to keep creating. And then see where this takes me.
But I won't pretend every rejection doesn't hurt, even if it was a supposed one.
posted by Sue B at 5:05 PM
1 Comments:
Of course rejection slips hurt - like a paper cut... but keep submitting, and keep submitting, and KEEP SUBMITTING!
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