On risk and rejection, part one
Well, I'm not sure exactly how I'm going to do this, but I guess I'll find out as I go along. My idea is that rejection occurs as a result of many things, all risk-taking, of course, and there's nothing wrong with that. The problem, if you will, is that rejection is so damned painful and you wonder if it's really worth putting yourself in a vulnerable position for the hope that something good will come of it.
Let's begin by exploring job searching. I haven't looked for a job for over 10 years, and God willing, I won't have to UNTIL I'M READY TO. There are various reasons I've stayed at my current job: there are some interesting challenges, I love working with adult learners who are non-traditional (commuter students, for example, working fulltime, etc.), the workday is quite flexible (for example, I can come in at 11am one day and leave at 7pm and there's no problem; in fact, it's encouraged, since we are primarily a late afternoon and evening school, at least as far as courses are concerned, though this is slowly changing), there are some great people who work in the college, I have a lot of responsiblity AND autonomy, and it's a safe, comfortable environment. I know that I am very adverse to change, and the thought of going somewhere where I would be at the bottom of the totem pole scares the hell out of me. One of my sisters doesn't think I should ever leave my current job; while I can't agree, I'm in no hurry to go (and getting to teach Year One Seminar this fall is yet another reason to stay. Most importantly, were I to leave, I would have to begin a job search, and there is nothing, NOTHING fun about job searching, although of course it's easier when you have a job.
A friend of mine who used to work in education and wants to return to it has been searching for a job for several months. So far, nothing has worked out, though K. has an interview next week that seems very promising. Nonetheless, she has gone though a lot of stress in the process, and the major problem with any kind of search is that you put yourself out there and often, through no fault of your own, you are REJECTED. It may be, in the case of job searching, that someone was an internal candidate, or more qualified, or just struck the interviewers as the kind of person they wanted working for them. It can be as intangible as that, just as it can with dating and interviewing. The difference, in my mind, is that, unless you are auditioning because you have to (i.e., it's an intregal part of your career), or you are seeking a boyfriend b/c you can't bear the thought of being alone (and then that's something to examine, isn't it?!) or want a parent for your children or what have you, there is less at stake.
If I don't get a part, it stings like hell, but I can go on with my day job, and know I can continue to pay the bills, can keep writing, and of course can keep auditioning, and the hurt will ease and eventually go away. With job searching, you may well be dependent on the job because you are living at home, or your household needs the income, or your unemployment is about to run out, or you have to get back into the workforce before your skills become obselete, or you are about to LOSE YOUR MIND b/c you can't take being at home anymore. I may be overstating the reality of this, but the facts are that job searching is grueling and if you put yourself through it, you really want the job and there are all sorts of reasons why it matters and why it hurts like hell if you can't get the interview or if the interview doesn't pay off in a job. At the college I work for, students have to work, and I see how hard it is every day for many to obtain a first job in the design field or to move on after spending several months in an unsatisfactory position. I feel so badly for them, and yet there is nothing I can do.
I understand the inherent sense of frustration and helplessness they likely feel, b/c I certainly felt this way when I was job searching as I finished my graduate degree. I was willing to take a job for $20,000--this kills me--and I couldn't even get an INTERVIEW! How sad is that? And the fact is that you can do everything but everything right and yet still not get the job and never really know why. Again, this is the case with auditioning, dating, sending out manuscripts (God knows, I've been there and am still there), but I can justify it by saying, Well, I don't have to be chosen for this festival to keep writing. It hurts more with acting, as I've noted in the past, b/c you can't really act in a vacuum and b/c the communal aspect is what is so appealing to me, but still, I have plenty of other interests to keep me occupied. But if I don't have a job, then what?! How do I pay the rent? How do I ever have the chance to travel, to buy CDs, clothing, see movies and eat out with friends? Do I have to leave my apartment and move to a cheaper area?
I can't even imagine how hard it is to have to sell yourself over and over, with the possibility that NO ONE will say yes. Of course, you can be lucky and have companies falling over themselves to hire you, but I think this is the exception rather than the rule. In the case of K., I think she has a good chance of getting this job next week, but who knows? She is handling it a helluva lot better than I would--in fact, she says it may be easier than (or equivalent to) artistic rejection, b/c it's not really calling your talents or your very self into being. That's true, but I guess I'm not pouring my heart and soul into the work. Or maybe I am, but again, I realize that despite the pain, I can push it away and delve back into the work or other interests. Because I need, must have, structure, what would I do if I had to keep looking for work, sending out resumes and cover letters, going on interviews (entailing dressing up, and I abhore dressing up), and trying to stay busy? In the past, this resulted in my working out far too hard, followed by chronic injuries, and I have no doubt that this would be a likely outcome again; I tend to work my body too hard as it is, and I am trying to keep my workouts to 75 minutes a day. What if I weren't working? What if my self-esteem couldn't be based on the work I did every day, and the pleasure I get in seeing students succeed in the field and hopefully graduate? It scares me to think about it.
I was on the other end of the interviewing spectrum last year, on a search committee for the newly created Director of Liberal Studies, and man, it killed me to have to say no to some very competent candidates. I hope they all found fulfilling employment (or at least employment), but in nearly every case, their nerves showed, and I felt as if I were acting God-like, and it made me pretty uncomfortable. I hate to be judged, and there's nothing but judging that goes on in an interview. Sure, you get to say no, too, to reject a job, and it happens, of course, but how often? It's far less often, I'd wager. So job searching entails nothing but risk and likely rejection, and the stakes are high, often supremely high. While I have enjoyed some tryouts (though not the resulting rejection), I can't remember ever enjoying the interviews themselves, and remember how uncomfortable they made me. I did have to say no a couple of times, when the salaries offered were too low, and it made me angry, b/c I wanted to say yes, and yet couldn't, and why couldn't they offer me more?!
There were other times when I was so certain I would be the ideal candidate, but for some reason wasn't chosen--they rarely get specific and give you tips as to what you could have done differently (of course, this is true for nearly everything, even when you ask)--and God, the pain was tremendous. I can't think of many things more painful than job searching, although dating comes pretty damned close. And that, my friends, is the topic of my next post. Coming soon to a blog near you. :)
Let's begin by exploring job searching. I haven't looked for a job for over 10 years, and God willing, I won't have to UNTIL I'M READY TO. There are various reasons I've stayed at my current job: there are some interesting challenges, I love working with adult learners who are non-traditional (commuter students, for example, working fulltime, etc.), the workday is quite flexible (for example, I can come in at 11am one day and leave at 7pm and there's no problem; in fact, it's encouraged, since we are primarily a late afternoon and evening school, at least as far as courses are concerned, though this is slowly changing), there are some great people who work in the college, I have a lot of responsiblity AND autonomy, and it's a safe, comfortable environment. I know that I am very adverse to change, and the thought of going somewhere where I would be at the bottom of the totem pole scares the hell out of me. One of my sisters doesn't think I should ever leave my current job; while I can't agree, I'm in no hurry to go (and getting to teach Year One Seminar this fall is yet another reason to stay. Most importantly, were I to leave, I would have to begin a job search, and there is nothing, NOTHING fun about job searching, although of course it's easier when you have a job.
A friend of mine who used to work in education and wants to return to it has been searching for a job for several months. So far, nothing has worked out, though K. has an interview next week that seems very promising. Nonetheless, she has gone though a lot of stress in the process, and the major problem with any kind of search is that you put yourself out there and often, through no fault of your own, you are REJECTED. It may be, in the case of job searching, that someone was an internal candidate, or more qualified, or just struck the interviewers as the kind of person they wanted working for them. It can be as intangible as that, just as it can with dating and interviewing. The difference, in my mind, is that, unless you are auditioning because you have to (i.e., it's an intregal part of your career), or you are seeking a boyfriend b/c you can't bear the thought of being alone (and then that's something to examine, isn't it?!) or want a parent for your children or what have you, there is less at stake.
If I don't get a part, it stings like hell, but I can go on with my day job, and know I can continue to pay the bills, can keep writing, and of course can keep auditioning, and the hurt will ease and eventually go away. With job searching, you may well be dependent on the job because you are living at home, or your household needs the income, or your unemployment is about to run out, or you have to get back into the workforce before your skills become obselete, or you are about to LOSE YOUR MIND b/c you can't take being at home anymore. I may be overstating the reality of this, but the facts are that job searching is grueling and if you put yourself through it, you really want the job and there are all sorts of reasons why it matters and why it hurts like hell if you can't get the interview or if the interview doesn't pay off in a job. At the college I work for, students have to work, and I see how hard it is every day for many to obtain a first job in the design field or to move on after spending several months in an unsatisfactory position. I feel so badly for them, and yet there is nothing I can do.
I understand the inherent sense of frustration and helplessness they likely feel, b/c I certainly felt this way when I was job searching as I finished my graduate degree. I was willing to take a job for $20,000--this kills me--and I couldn't even get an INTERVIEW! How sad is that? And the fact is that you can do everything but everything right and yet still not get the job and never really know why. Again, this is the case with auditioning, dating, sending out manuscripts (God knows, I've been there and am still there), but I can justify it by saying, Well, I don't have to be chosen for this festival to keep writing. It hurts more with acting, as I've noted in the past, b/c you can't really act in a vacuum and b/c the communal aspect is what is so appealing to me, but still, I have plenty of other interests to keep me occupied. But if I don't have a job, then what?! How do I pay the rent? How do I ever have the chance to travel, to buy CDs, clothing, see movies and eat out with friends? Do I have to leave my apartment and move to a cheaper area?
I can't even imagine how hard it is to have to sell yourself over and over, with the possibility that NO ONE will say yes. Of course, you can be lucky and have companies falling over themselves to hire you, but I think this is the exception rather than the rule. In the case of K., I think she has a good chance of getting this job next week, but who knows? She is handling it a helluva lot better than I would--in fact, she says it may be easier than (or equivalent to) artistic rejection, b/c it's not really calling your talents or your very self into being. That's true, but I guess I'm not pouring my heart and soul into the work. Or maybe I am, but again, I realize that despite the pain, I can push it away and delve back into the work or other interests. Because I need, must have, structure, what would I do if I had to keep looking for work, sending out resumes and cover letters, going on interviews (entailing dressing up, and I abhore dressing up), and trying to stay busy? In the past, this resulted in my working out far too hard, followed by chronic injuries, and I have no doubt that this would be a likely outcome again; I tend to work my body too hard as it is, and I am trying to keep my workouts to 75 minutes a day. What if I weren't working? What if my self-esteem couldn't be based on the work I did every day, and the pleasure I get in seeing students succeed in the field and hopefully graduate? It scares me to think about it.
I was on the other end of the interviewing spectrum last year, on a search committee for the newly created Director of Liberal Studies, and man, it killed me to have to say no to some very competent candidates. I hope they all found fulfilling employment (or at least employment), but in nearly every case, their nerves showed, and I felt as if I were acting God-like, and it made me pretty uncomfortable. I hate to be judged, and there's nothing but judging that goes on in an interview. Sure, you get to say no, too, to reject a job, and it happens, of course, but how often? It's far less often, I'd wager. So job searching entails nothing but risk and likely rejection, and the stakes are high, often supremely high. While I have enjoyed some tryouts (though not the resulting rejection), I can't remember ever enjoying the interviews themselves, and remember how uncomfortable they made me. I did have to say no a couple of times, when the salaries offered were too low, and it made me angry, b/c I wanted to say yes, and yet couldn't, and why couldn't they offer me more?!
There were other times when I was so certain I would be the ideal candidate, but for some reason wasn't chosen--they rarely get specific and give you tips as to what you could have done differently (of course, this is true for nearly everything, even when you ask)--and God, the pain was tremendous. I can't think of many things more painful than job searching, although dating comes pretty damned close. And that, my friends, is the topic of my next post. Coming soon to a blog near you. :)
posted by Sue B at 4:55 PM
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