Musings on a cloudy Sunday in July...
Well, I wish I were feeling more optimistic about things at the moment, but I'm not. It was a REALLY tough week for me in many ways. I had to pay a $250 parking fee to my landlord's condo association, something I've been fighting for weeks (not in person, as I wasn't allowed to!), and I finally had to give it up and pay it. Not only does it burn me, b/c it's completely unfair, but I really, really didn't/don't have the money, and now my checking account is extremely slim, to be generous (read: no money in there). I have huge debt (probably around $15,000)--thank God, no student loans outdue, at least, as they've already been paid off)--and see no easy or short-term way out. Happily, my car loan should be paid off by the end of November, but I then need to put money toward paying off debt UNTIL I am forced to get another car (which, granted, could happen anytime, since I have a total lemon in my used Kia).
I have given up on the dating thing (I can't even get an email back from the Boomer Gang, a Boston-based singles group, and I would probably be younger than nearly anyone in there). I had a tough doctor's appointment this week (looks like all was healthy, thank God and knock wood) that I won't go into here, but it was very traumatic, and little things seemed to just not work out all bloody week. Things started to feel better once the work week ended (and not a minute too soon, as I spilled my iced tea and pricked my finger on a staple just as I was leaving.) Friday night, A. and I saw "March of the Penguins," which is a really cool film--beautifully and lovingly photographed, quite touching, great for kids and their parents--and I had a nice, hard yoga class on Friday afternoon. (I typically go on Sunday mornings, but I'm feeling rather lazy today, so I'm going to stay in, read the newspaper, watch the British Open--yes, I DO love to watch golf--and work out later this afternoon instead and take a 7:30pm yoga class tomorrow night after work).
I went to Art Beat in Davis Square, Somerville yesterday, a local arts festival, and ran into D.'s husband Jim there, so we watched some local bands (not bad), chatted, and walked around. (This after a 90 minute work out at the gym which I felt I NEEDED, and God forbid I ever lose another ounce of weight.) It was warm out, but we found shade and there was a nice breeze that developed that made things feel great. And then, around 6pm, D., her mother, and A. (who hadn't been feeling well) showed up. It was really fun initially; we had smoothies at a small cafe, just chatted and laughed, and enjoyed being with one another. But eventually we had to go to the church where the short play festival is being held, and then things started to feel REAAAAAALY bad for me. It was pretty hot in the church (only air conditioning in the back room, not in the auditiorim itself) and A., Jim, and I were volunteering (a nice thing to do and saved us the $10 ticket, and every $10 saved counts at this point). I just handed out brochures, so it was pretty easy, but what kept swimming in my head was, THEY DIDN'T PICK YOUR PLAY AND THEY DIDN'T CAST YOU. As I saw a couple of actors, directors, and other personnel, it kept eating and eating at me.
I have to be honest--I think the people in this theatre company are nothing but nice and honest and supportive--but it doesn't mean that I have gotten over the double rejection, b/c I clearly haven't. I usually do, eventually, but then I rarely go to plays I wasn't cast for (if I tried out), and in this case I had to, to support D. (and I don't regret going, as she deserved every bit of support we could give). In this case. I felt like it was coming at me from all over, what with the program in my hand (seeing the actors and playwrights chosen) and D. sitting next to us, of course, and...it just made me feel more and more at ease. (Not that the stuffy air in the auditorium helped; no air conditioning as I noted, and it was pretty humid yesterday, though I will never complain about the heat, but only lack of cooling available.) I watched the plays and kept thinking, Why did this one get chosen, or How did she get cast and not me? To be honest and fair, most of the actors were strong--the plays varied in quality, but that's just my entirely subjective opinion--but I couldn't take myself out of the equation, as hard as I tried.
I had also received a rejection email from a festival on Thursday morning (naturally, right before my painful doctor's appointment), and then on Friday D. heard from another company for whom she's directing (and I am not quite certain my play didn't get chosen, or I would have heard), so I am having NO luck in that area. My only hope at this point is that one of the two local companies holding short play festivals in the Fall will decide to choose mine, or either will cast me, but I am in no way holding my breath at this point. It's beyond frustrating. Oh, and remember that on Monday evening my short play "Peanut Butter Sandwiches" received pretty lackluster responses, and a day latter a co-worker responded with disdain (or...well, utter lack of anything) to a play I thought he might enjoy, my new 10-minute play "Accept This!" (He didn't.) So, I am not receiving any optimistic news on any front these days, and dammit, it's hard! If things were going really well in another area of my life, I wouldn't care so much, but in fact that simply isn't the case. I would love the arts to just be a SMALL part of my life, but that will require other areas to take front and center, and I can't find other satisfying areas of my life (perhaps my gym the exception, but my knees are feeling rather achey these days, dammit all to hell).
So...that's all I can tell you, except to say that D. directed a pretty tough play (too much going on in too little time, and very serious to boot, not the best plan for a 10-minute play) brilliantly, and we were all very proud of her (plus her lead was extremely strong). D. certainly has a knack for directing, and I think it's a direction she intends to pursue. I have considered the same, as I used to direct an improv troupe, but I haven't decided for sure. If I continue to experience the rejection I have in both acting and writing, then I will certainly try that direction, not as a fallback, but just another route to take. I have always preferred being out front to being in the background, but I know I'm a good director, or was, so maybe that is the way to go, at least for a while, and I'm certainly open to it. For now, I'm heading back to bed, paper and Sobe Power Beverage in hand, and let the day flow over me. And try to revise "PB Sandwiches" (though I'm pretty lost at the moment) and maybe "Accept This!" (Jim gave me a great idea that might work, a twist at the end) when I'm feeling appropriately motivated. But not now...golf coverage awaits.
I have given up on the dating thing (I can't even get an email back from the Boomer Gang, a Boston-based singles group, and I would probably be younger than nearly anyone in there). I had a tough doctor's appointment this week (looks like all was healthy, thank God and knock wood) that I won't go into here, but it was very traumatic, and little things seemed to just not work out all bloody week. Things started to feel better once the work week ended (and not a minute too soon, as I spilled my iced tea and pricked my finger on a staple just as I was leaving.) Friday night, A. and I saw "March of the Penguins," which is a really cool film--beautifully and lovingly photographed, quite touching, great for kids and their parents--and I had a nice, hard yoga class on Friday afternoon. (I typically go on Sunday mornings, but I'm feeling rather lazy today, so I'm going to stay in, read the newspaper, watch the British Open--yes, I DO love to watch golf--and work out later this afternoon instead and take a 7:30pm yoga class tomorrow night after work).
I went to Art Beat in Davis Square, Somerville yesterday, a local arts festival, and ran into D.'s husband Jim there, so we watched some local bands (not bad), chatted, and walked around. (This after a 90 minute work out at the gym which I felt I NEEDED, and God forbid I ever lose another ounce of weight.) It was warm out, but we found shade and there was a nice breeze that developed that made things feel great. And then, around 6pm, D., her mother, and A. (who hadn't been feeling well) showed up. It was really fun initially; we had smoothies at a small cafe, just chatted and laughed, and enjoyed being with one another. But eventually we had to go to the church where the short play festival is being held, and then things started to feel REAAAAAALY bad for me. It was pretty hot in the church (only air conditioning in the back room, not in the auditiorim itself) and A., Jim, and I were volunteering (a nice thing to do and saved us the $10 ticket, and every $10 saved counts at this point). I just handed out brochures, so it was pretty easy, but what kept swimming in my head was, THEY DIDN'T PICK YOUR PLAY AND THEY DIDN'T CAST YOU. As I saw a couple of actors, directors, and other personnel, it kept eating and eating at me.
I have to be honest--I think the people in this theatre company are nothing but nice and honest and supportive--but it doesn't mean that I have gotten over the double rejection, b/c I clearly haven't. I usually do, eventually, but then I rarely go to plays I wasn't cast for (if I tried out), and in this case I had to, to support D. (and I don't regret going, as she deserved every bit of support we could give). In this case. I felt like it was coming at me from all over, what with the program in my hand (seeing the actors and playwrights chosen) and D. sitting next to us, of course, and...it just made me feel more and more at ease. (Not that the stuffy air in the auditorium helped; no air conditioning as I noted, and it was pretty humid yesterday, though I will never complain about the heat, but only lack of cooling available.) I watched the plays and kept thinking, Why did this one get chosen, or How did she get cast and not me? To be honest and fair, most of the actors were strong--the plays varied in quality, but that's just my entirely subjective opinion--but I couldn't take myself out of the equation, as hard as I tried.
I had also received a rejection email from a festival on Thursday morning (naturally, right before my painful doctor's appointment), and then on Friday D. heard from another company for whom she's directing (and I am not quite certain my play didn't get chosen, or I would have heard), so I am having NO luck in that area. My only hope at this point is that one of the two local companies holding short play festivals in the Fall will decide to choose mine, or either will cast me, but I am in no way holding my breath at this point. It's beyond frustrating. Oh, and remember that on Monday evening my short play "Peanut Butter Sandwiches" received pretty lackluster responses, and a day latter a co-worker responded with disdain (or...well, utter lack of anything) to a play I thought he might enjoy, my new 10-minute play "Accept This!" (He didn't.) So, I am not receiving any optimistic news on any front these days, and dammit, it's hard! If things were going really well in another area of my life, I wouldn't care so much, but in fact that simply isn't the case. I would love the arts to just be a SMALL part of my life, but that will require other areas to take front and center, and I can't find other satisfying areas of my life (perhaps my gym the exception, but my knees are feeling rather achey these days, dammit all to hell).
So...that's all I can tell you, except to say that D. directed a pretty tough play (too much going on in too little time, and very serious to boot, not the best plan for a 10-minute play) brilliantly, and we were all very proud of her (plus her lead was extremely strong). D. certainly has a knack for directing, and I think it's a direction she intends to pursue. I have considered the same, as I used to direct an improv troupe, but I haven't decided for sure. If I continue to experience the rejection I have in both acting and writing, then I will certainly try that direction, not as a fallback, but just another route to take. I have always preferred being out front to being in the background, but I know I'm a good director, or was, so maybe that is the way to go, at least for a while, and I'm certainly open to it. For now, I'm heading back to bed, paper and Sobe Power Beverage in hand, and let the day flow over me. And try to revise "PB Sandwiches" (though I'm pretty lost at the moment) and maybe "Accept This!" (Jim gave me a great idea that might work, a twist at the end) when I'm feeling appropriately motivated. But not now...golf coverage awaits.
posted by Sue B at 6:00 AM
1 Comments:
Over 100 rejection letters for "And To Think That I Saw It On Mulberry Street".
Over 100, Sue.
The question isn't "Are they going to reject it?" The question is "Are you gonna let their power shut you down? Are you gonna let them stop you from having fun and writing more works?"
Because, clearly, we're not doing this for the money.
SOCK.
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