Sad yet again (thanks alot, rejection)

Well, you think you get over it, but you don't (rejection, that is). I learned of yet another festival I was not accepted into today (I believe 18 people were, several I know from the binge listserv), though I haven't received official word (it was posted on their website today). DAMMIT. This is just getting ridiculous. The acceptances are so few and far between, and I KNOW my work is as good as others, at least some of it is (I've been festivals, I see what's being written and produced), so WHAT THE HELL?! It just hurst so bloody much. And I'm feeling really stifled creatively at the moment. I tried to write a short play about a yoga incident on Sunday, and it came out incredibly bitter. I am trying to make it comic, but it's just that easy. I REALLY need to take a break and just focus on writing again, but I need to feel inspired and I need the time (and I won't have it for at least a couple of weeks). I am also running around to so many plays and festivals, and I guess I need a breather. I left "Love's Labour's Lost" at the Huntington Theatre tonight at intermission b/c I was too damned tired to enjoy it (Commencement is coming up at my college this Saturday, followed by portfolio reviews next week, so it's ridiculously busy again). I really, REALLY need a vacation. Thank GOD I have one coming up in a few weeks, and I'll get six days in Florida to spend with my sister, niece and nephew. I hope to be able to hang out, sleep, read, and recharge.

I am beyond burnt out (even though the sun FINALLY came out today, after 10 days of clouds, drizzle, and finally torrential rains), and I thought that would make me happy, but it really didn't. I am doing very well on my diet (hint: write EVERYTHING down that you eat, and then you feel too guilty to cheat, as I have for the past week), not overspending, working out, and yet feel terribly frustrated by the creative life. I wish I could get over this, but I just can't. I want to be successful, even though it really doesn't matter. And so it bloody hurts, and it hurts a lot, and it hurts too often, and I say I won't submit, and then I do, and then others get into festivals and I don't, and the cycle begins anew. I hope the vacation helps me gain perspective again.