Happy New Year! Some first day musings.
Though I recently posted, I thought,I would write a state of the state, since I used write a journal every new year's day, and a year from now I can check it to see how things went. I actually ended up having a nice holiday break (still glad I have two days left!). My parents came to visit on Friday, loved my new bureau and the way my place is shaping up, and we had a nice lunch at the Coolidge Corner Clubhouse (they rarely get to come to Brookline just for fun, and not doctors' appointments, so it was a nice trip for them). Yesterday, I spent the day running around for First Night Boston, but it was quite fun. I met D. for short film screenings at the Boston Public Library, and then we met up at the Hynes with her husband and close friend S. (he's a nice guy, and I hope he and I continue to keep in touch, b/c we have quite a bit in common, including age and single status). We saw a 40-minute anime movie, bluegrass (I highly recommend Southern Rail, a Massachusetts-based bluegrass group), blues music at the beautiful Emmanuel Church, acoustic-y rock with Duncan Shiek at the Orpheum, stand up female comics, had Greek food for dinner, caught a little of the parade and fireworks, and then went back to D.'s house for the ball drop and gingerbread tea (surprisingly delicious). I got home around 2 am and have yet to get out of my sweats. I even cancelled brunch in Harvard Square with D., her husband, and another couple, b/c I'm just too tired and comfortable.
I usually love to get out of the apartment, but today it feels nice to stay in and relax (plus it snowed out last night--it is supposed to all week, which I dread--and I'm avoiding scraping off my car for as long as I can). I will be busy enough this coming week with portfolio reviews and the next week with registration (which I dread), so a day off feels nice. The Patriots are on at 1pm and I'll work out at 4pm and then watch a movie or two I rented, so I'm not too worried about how I'll spend the day. Tomorrow, my friend E. and I are seeing The Squid and the Whale, which I've wanted to see since it was released in early fall, and we'll catch up, so that will be fun. I also saw Brokeback Mountain with three bookclub friends on Thursday night. I was surprisingly disappointed by it, though the others all cried and proclaimed it wonderful. The acting is terrific by Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllanhall (better than advertised), but I just couldn't quite connect. I felt like I was being instructed to feel for them, and though the ending was shocking, the rest felt rather predictable to me. I think most disagree with my assessment, so don't take my word for it. I'm very picky.
As for the arts, I finally received the rejection letter from Snowdance that others in the playwrights binge has already gotten. I also had two 10-minute plays rejected from Poco Loco Players, though Doug, who is one of the most considerate producers in the world, was very thoughtful in offering his reasons why. I still have my 3-minute play included as a semi-finalist, so it's not as if it was all bad by any means. I think the Santa play will stand as is--it's a seasonal play, but that's okay, and hopefully it works (he thought it did)--and as for Accept This, the not-gay play, well, we'll see what other festivals think. No one has said yes yet, but not many have seen the final version (alas, the Boston Playwrights Festival got the earlier draft with the less-effective ending). Doug thought it wasn't quite original enough, but I think it has a pretty decent twist and makes fun of stereotypes. Who knows, though? Maybe it needs to be revamped. We'll see after I hear from other festivals. Unfortunately, I haven't done ANY writing over the break, and that's disappointing. Honestly, I just couldn't get inspired. The play about A. and her ex-boyfriend just seemed overwhelming to even begin and it's going to be so depressing that I just can't couldn't wrap my head around it. I couldn't think of anything else to write, though I was hoping to find something focused on money, since there is a festival looking for plays with that theme, and so I KNOW I'd have somewhere to send it. Maybe I'll get motivated to start something in the next few days. It could be that I've been too focused on getting into festivals, and not in a creative mode. I can't say. I suppose in some ways the holidays are not the best time to write, as I'm constantly fighting depression (though it wasn't quite as bad this year as in years past). It will be tough this semester not having Fridays off (sigh), and I will have to work harder to carve out time to write. Perhaps I can take days off here and there to get writing in, b/c I will never get my vacation taken otherwise!
As far as rejection, well, I would like to say one of my goals for 2006 is not to be as bothered about it, but I don't think that's something I can do too much about. I can say I won't care, but I don't that will EVER be true. Everytime I submit something, I think about how cool it would be to get accepted into that festival, and when I do get the rejection email/letter (and often I just don't hear anything), it hurts. Perhaps this year I will be more successful--I've sent alot of work out, and much of this is about the law of averages--and I just need to write more, and not simply depend on what I've already done (just not enough material, and I'm not even sure how solid it all is). I know that at least a couple of producers think my writing is strong, so that's encouraging. I did write to Lesley at Theatre Cooperative, but she didn't choose the plays, so had no feedback on why neither of mine were accepted. I'd completely be lying if I said I didn't care as much anymore, but I'm doing the right thing and going on back Friday and (probably) Saturday nights to see the Ritalin Readings, to support my friends, network a bit, and hopefully learn from and enjoy the readings. (I've never been, b/c there was no point in going in the past, when I didn't know the playwrights and wasn't actively writing short plays.) I hope it doesn't hurt too much; I guess if it does on Friday, I won't go Saturday (luckily, I didn't pay in advance). I AM committed to NOT trying out for any more productions unless asked to or am already involved with the process (e.g., the Arlington Players). The rejection hurts too damned much and the net result in the past year has been ONE yea and the rest nay (so I'm batting 1 for 10 or 12 or whatever, and it's getting stupid). This way, I can enjoy the plays without thinking about how I didn't get cast.
I will continue sending out my plays, and hoping for positive results, and dealing with the rejection (SO many playwrights, so few slots!), but acting is something different, and there is nothing good that has come out of auditioning in the past year, so I shall reluctantly give it up. I can revisit it in the future. I would love the Dragonfly Festival to take one of my plays, and if Rose says no, then I will have a pretty good idea that my chances are nil of getting connected with them (since they take a lot of what they receive; the submissions are far lower than for other festivals, and the plays are NOT read blind, as they are for the Boston Playwrights Theatre's Marathon (God, what I would give for them to take one of my plays; be still, my heart!). My major goal in 2006 is to stop eating ridiculously badly (e.g., no more bingeing!) so that I look and feel better. I feel as if I say this every January--I probably do--and I end up doing well for a while, when I relapse again. Unlike smoking or drinking, you can't go cold turkey (I mean, you can stop eating chips, for example, but there's always another food to binge on, another temptation around the corner), and it's so psychological that it's something I think about all the time. Right now, though, my clothes feel pretty uncomfortable, I KNOW I don't look very good (for me), and I feel disappointed in myself. Somehow, I need to learn how in moderation, and 42.5 years later, I have no idea how to do this. I am pretty good about WORKING OUT in moderation (i.e., sensibly), but eating? No. Of course, it's far more complicated, but still, if I can do it with exercise, why not with eating (after all, they both start with e's ;-)). My therapist suggested I buy a small bag of chips, and then enjoy it, but when it's gone, it's gone. That way, the sense of entitlement is met (or the sense of deprivation is eliminated) and yet the ability to overindulge is taken away. I think that's a good idea, and I will try it. It's so hard to start, but I think I can do it, now that the holidays are over. I am not concerned about keeping on a healthy exercise regiment, at least.
The other major goal is to continue spending more sensibly (which means staying out of the Gap as much as possible). I have gone in recently, to buy two sweaters, a heavy jacket, and scarf (all on major sale), and that's not terrible, but, for example, I can't say the jacket was essential (though I like it, and it's been two years since I've bought outerwear). I meet with Jon the Accountant in a couple of weeks, and hopefully I can continue chipping away at the debt, which feels so overwhelming. At least I have a handle on it now, and am thinking about EACH purchase I make. I don't really have a budget yet, but I do know how much I'm spending each month, and I have all of my payments online, so that I can make sure they are paid to avoid worry AND late fees. And finally, I would so love to end up at the end of the year with a boyfriend/male companion. S., Debbie's friend, offered to help in that department (he is great at networking), and I will take him up on that. It's not as if I'm uninvolved; I'm just...well...I don't know. Do I continue to give off unavailable vibes, or is it more a product of my age and the lack of free men? I can't say; maybe I will have more luck this year. I do not hate being single, but there are times I long for a close male friend. Maybe I'll get one in 2006. In any case, I hope it's a healthy, happy year for me, my family and friends (and everyone, of course).
I usually love to get out of the apartment, but today it feels nice to stay in and relax (plus it snowed out last night--it is supposed to all week, which I dread--and I'm avoiding scraping off my car for as long as I can). I will be busy enough this coming week with portfolio reviews and the next week with registration (which I dread), so a day off feels nice. The Patriots are on at 1pm and I'll work out at 4pm and then watch a movie or two I rented, so I'm not too worried about how I'll spend the day. Tomorrow, my friend E. and I are seeing The Squid and the Whale, which I've wanted to see since it was released in early fall, and we'll catch up, so that will be fun. I also saw Brokeback Mountain with three bookclub friends on Thursday night. I was surprisingly disappointed by it, though the others all cried and proclaimed it wonderful. The acting is terrific by Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllanhall (better than advertised), but I just couldn't quite connect. I felt like I was being instructed to feel for them, and though the ending was shocking, the rest felt rather predictable to me. I think most disagree with my assessment, so don't take my word for it. I'm very picky.
As for the arts, I finally received the rejection letter from Snowdance that others in the playwrights binge has already gotten. I also had two 10-minute plays rejected from Poco Loco Players, though Doug, who is one of the most considerate producers in the world, was very thoughtful in offering his reasons why. I still have my 3-minute play included as a semi-finalist, so it's not as if it was all bad by any means. I think the Santa play will stand as is--it's a seasonal play, but that's okay, and hopefully it works (he thought it did)--and as for Accept This, the not-gay play, well, we'll see what other festivals think. No one has said yes yet, but not many have seen the final version (alas, the Boston Playwrights Festival got the earlier draft with the less-effective ending). Doug thought it wasn't quite original enough, but I think it has a pretty decent twist and makes fun of stereotypes. Who knows, though? Maybe it needs to be revamped. We'll see after I hear from other festivals. Unfortunately, I haven't done ANY writing over the break, and that's disappointing. Honestly, I just couldn't get inspired. The play about A. and her ex-boyfriend just seemed overwhelming to even begin and it's going to be so depressing that I just can't couldn't wrap my head around it. I couldn't think of anything else to write, though I was hoping to find something focused on money, since there is a festival looking for plays with that theme, and so I KNOW I'd have somewhere to send it. Maybe I'll get motivated to start something in the next few days. It could be that I've been too focused on getting into festivals, and not in a creative mode. I can't say. I suppose in some ways the holidays are not the best time to write, as I'm constantly fighting depression (though it wasn't quite as bad this year as in years past). It will be tough this semester not having Fridays off (sigh), and I will have to work harder to carve out time to write. Perhaps I can take days off here and there to get writing in, b/c I will never get my vacation taken otherwise!
As far as rejection, well, I would like to say one of my goals for 2006 is not to be as bothered about it, but I don't think that's something I can do too much about. I can say I won't care, but I don't that will EVER be true. Everytime I submit something, I think about how cool it would be to get accepted into that festival, and when I do get the rejection email/letter (and often I just don't hear anything), it hurts. Perhaps this year I will be more successful--I've sent alot of work out, and much of this is about the law of averages--and I just need to write more, and not simply depend on what I've already done (just not enough material, and I'm not even sure how solid it all is). I know that at least a couple of producers think my writing is strong, so that's encouraging. I did write to Lesley at Theatre Cooperative, but she didn't choose the plays, so had no feedback on why neither of mine were accepted. I'd completely be lying if I said I didn't care as much anymore, but I'm doing the right thing and going on back Friday and (probably) Saturday nights to see the Ritalin Readings, to support my friends, network a bit, and hopefully learn from and enjoy the readings. (I've never been, b/c there was no point in going in the past, when I didn't know the playwrights and wasn't actively writing short plays.) I hope it doesn't hurt too much; I guess if it does on Friday, I won't go Saturday (luckily, I didn't pay in advance). I AM committed to NOT trying out for any more productions unless asked to or am already involved with the process (e.g., the Arlington Players). The rejection hurts too damned much and the net result in the past year has been ONE yea and the rest nay (so I'm batting 1 for 10 or 12 or whatever, and it's getting stupid). This way, I can enjoy the plays without thinking about how I didn't get cast.
I will continue sending out my plays, and hoping for positive results, and dealing with the rejection (SO many playwrights, so few slots!), but acting is something different, and there is nothing good that has come out of auditioning in the past year, so I shall reluctantly give it up. I can revisit it in the future. I would love the Dragonfly Festival to take one of my plays, and if Rose says no, then I will have a pretty good idea that my chances are nil of getting connected with them (since they take a lot of what they receive; the submissions are far lower than for other festivals, and the plays are NOT read blind, as they are for the Boston Playwrights Theatre's Marathon (God, what I would give for them to take one of my plays; be still, my heart!). My major goal in 2006 is to stop eating ridiculously badly (e.g., no more bingeing!) so that I look and feel better. I feel as if I say this every January--I probably do--and I end up doing well for a while, when I relapse again. Unlike smoking or drinking, you can't go cold turkey (I mean, you can stop eating chips, for example, but there's always another food to binge on, another temptation around the corner), and it's so psychological that it's something I think about all the time. Right now, though, my clothes feel pretty uncomfortable, I KNOW I don't look very good (for me), and I feel disappointed in myself. Somehow, I need to learn how in moderation, and 42.5 years later, I have no idea how to do this. I am pretty good about WORKING OUT in moderation (i.e., sensibly), but eating? No. Of course, it's far more complicated, but still, if I can do it with exercise, why not with eating (after all, they both start with e's ;-)). My therapist suggested I buy a small bag of chips, and then enjoy it, but when it's gone, it's gone. That way, the sense of entitlement is met (or the sense of deprivation is eliminated) and yet the ability to overindulge is taken away. I think that's a good idea, and I will try it. It's so hard to start, but I think I can do it, now that the holidays are over. I am not concerned about keeping on a healthy exercise regiment, at least.
The other major goal is to continue spending more sensibly (which means staying out of the Gap as much as possible). I have gone in recently, to buy two sweaters, a heavy jacket, and scarf (all on major sale), and that's not terrible, but, for example, I can't say the jacket was essential (though I like it, and it's been two years since I've bought outerwear). I meet with Jon the Accountant in a couple of weeks, and hopefully I can continue chipping away at the debt, which feels so overwhelming. At least I have a handle on it now, and am thinking about EACH purchase I make. I don't really have a budget yet, but I do know how much I'm spending each month, and I have all of my payments online, so that I can make sure they are paid to avoid worry AND late fees. And finally, I would so love to end up at the end of the year with a boyfriend/male companion. S., Debbie's friend, offered to help in that department (he is great at networking), and I will take him up on that. It's not as if I'm uninvolved; I'm just...well...I don't know. Do I continue to give off unavailable vibes, or is it more a product of my age and the lack of free men? I can't say; maybe I will have more luck this year. I do not hate being single, but there are times I long for a close male friend. Maybe I'll get one in 2006. In any case, I hope it's a healthy, happy year for me, my family and friends (and everyone, of course).
posted by Sue B at 5:41 AM
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