Colds--the great equalizers
For those of you who were dismayed by my last post, I would just ask you to give me another chance. I was, in fact, clearly my anger in that post, despite my protestations otherwise. In addition, I was in the midst of a terrible cold that took nearly two weeks to go away (and by cold, I really mean a cold/flu, that completely took me out, and during the holidays, to boot), and I was pretty depressed and frustrated. Suffice to say, I'm finally feeling much better, as the cold continues to slowly leave my body, and am a bit more level-headed than I was when I wrote that last post. I have considering editing or deleting it, but I believe in bravely going forward, and I also believe that this post documents my thoughts and feelings at a particular point, and will hopefully demonstrate a progression of ideas over time, so I will leave it and move on.
The Thanksgiving break was particularly frustrating for me. I don't really like this season, anyway, as the weather grows increasingly chilly and the nights come on more quickly, and I rather envy those who celebrate Christmas or have boyfriends/spouses to spend New Year's Eve with (hell, a *date* would be fine). But it's a lot harder to contend with when I'm feeling sick, and boy, did I get beaten down by this particular strain of cold. Since I was already feeling rather worn down before it arrived, my immune system was low. My friend C. from Buffalo was in that first weekend, and I didn't get enough sleep the first night she arrived, and then we were very busy the entire time she was here. That was great, and exactly what we both wanted, but between the chilly temperatures outside, contending with the IKEA adventure, and a lack of rest, I didn't have the chance to nip it in the bud (which may or may not have been possible), and by the time she left, I was really feeling awful. I went home early from work both Monday and Tuesday nights, and stayed in bed all day Wednesday, but the cold didn't get any better, and I drove out to my parents' house in Northern Mass feeling terrible by Thanksgiving morning.
All I wanted to do was sleep, but I also wanted to spend time with my sisters and their kids, and yet I wasn't up to it. I could barely taste the yummy food, I didn't have any energy, so couldn't really play with the nieces and nephew, and felt as if I were in a vacuum that had trapped me permanently. It was even hard to sleep at night, b/c I had difficulty breathing. I kept waiting to feel better, but I didn't, not the entire weekend, despite doing very little, resting, getting a lot of sleep, drinking a boatload of liquids, injesting major quantities of over-the-counter medicines, and so on. It was so disappointing to feel so awful, since the whole family only gets together once or twice a year, and I had really been looking forward to seeing everyone. It was scary, too, b/c I just felt so lousy (the way you feel when you have the flu), and I didn't know when I'd feel better (and I didn't start to feel like myself until this past Wednesday, so about 12 days after the cold's onset). The one thing colds do, however, is force you to slow down and to stop feeling so emotional about things. There was no way I could summon the energy to be really angry, or depressed, or anything. I was just focused on getting better.
As a result, when I got the second rejection email from a local theatre for my 10-minute play "Not A Competition" (this is the theatre that took five of my friends' works but not NAC or "Accept This!"), I could barely muster a response at all. It hurt, but far less than it normally would; of course, I also assumed that would be the case, so I was prepared for it. The rejection allowed me to move on, and I have. While I have no intention of attending either night of readings--I have to protect myself, after all--I am also not bitter or angry anymore, just disappointed and somewhat frustrated, and these are certainly manageable emotions, and reasonable ones as well. Yesterday, I got a listing about another local festival looking for short works, and I sent them off the two 10-minute plays that I sent the other theatre. I have been rejected from this theatre before, both for my writing and my acting, and I don't really see that it will be any different this year, but it was easy enough to email off the submissions, so I did. There was no fee, and there is no limit to the number of submissions one can give, so if I am to write another play that is perhaps a bit more tragic (they look for that emphasis), I'll send it along as well (the deadline is sometime in January). I am now going to forget that I ever sent them the plays, so that I will be less disappointed if/when they reject them (as I fully expect them to do).
D. is sending them a few works as well, but perhaps one under a pseudonym, for personal reasons, and I think that's a good idea. I rather wish I had done the same (and had I thought of it, I would have), b/c then it would have been a better indicator of whether I was truly being rejected b/c of the work or whether my identity had anything to do with it (and you can say it doesn't, but I don't believe it, unless the pieces are read blind, and I don't think they are, as opposed to, say, for the Boston Playwrights Theatre's competition, at least in the initial round). What I also feel right now is a general apathy and lack of motivation toward writing. I did spend about an hour revising my Santa play, but I can't honestly say that it reads much better than before, though I would like someone else to read it and give feedback (there just seem to be some awkward transitions; maybe it's simply too long, though it's now down to 9 pages). I met with my friend and former co-worker E. yesterday for tea in Coolidge Corner, and he asked if perhaps there was something I could do with the other two plays if they were consistently being rejected (e.g., work on the dialogue, the characterization, or the plot). But I honestly feel as if both plays work as is--I could be wrong, of course, and if no theatre ends up taking either one, perhaps this will be borne out--so I would just as soon leave them alone and move onto other material.
The issue, as I said, that I'm contending with now is this general lack of excitement about my writing. There is no question that the recent rejections have contributed to this, along with a general languour I encounter during this season, and of course my continuing recovery from this cold/flu. But I sit down at my computer (and granted, it's damned chilly in the winter, particularly when it's windy out, as it is today, b/c it's next to a drafty window) and I just can't muster the needed enthusiasm to work on anything new. I hope this won't be the case during the long holiday break, b/c I truly would like to work on the full-length (or one-act) dramatic piece I have in mind, and I'm not sure I'm going to feel like it. And if I don't, I don't really have a lot to do during this break. A. had to leave for Florida to take care of her ailing dad (he fell and badly injured his shoulder last weekend, and he's 85, with a dying girlfriend), and she probably won't be back for at least a month and maybe longer. This is a tough loss for me (and, naturally, is a lot tougher for her), and she is my playwright/movie buddy, confidante, and play reader/encourager. She told me I could send her plays via the internet, as she will have some access--more than she usually has--while she's in Florida, and I can certainly do that, but it's not the same.
I am volunteering to usher at a play tonight at Boston Playwrights Theatre b/c I want to see it--it's a new piece--and b/c I need to get out of the house, desperately, especially when I feel rather down. It's critical that I spend time with people or in areas where others are congregating (e.g., at a Starbucks). I can't be alone in my house for long periods of time; it's just not healthy for me, and I always need my time to be structured, but especially during this time of year. Unfortunately, we are also due to receive snow tomorrow, and I hope that won't keep me from going out to my parents after yoga (finally, I get to go again, after a two-class absence!) to watch the Patriots game. If it does, though, at least I will have gotten some exercise and I can read the paper and watch the game, so I won't be sitting around the house, idly twidling my thumbs. Really, though, I hope that my enthusiasm for writing will return soon, and maybe it will be back next weekend, when I again have Friday off (yesterday, I got my inspection sticker for my car, after receiving a $20 fee, had bathroom repairs done, exercised, and then met with E., so it was a busy and productive day).
Interestingly, I'm looking forward to two auditions coming up, this Wednesday for a new Kirsten Greenridge play, right before my playwrighting meeting, and next Tuesday for Another Country's SlamBoston festival in January and February 06, more than I am to writing. Funny thing, but I may have a chance (if I can just figure out how to have stronger auditions this go-round), and after talking to E. about acting for quite some time yesterday--he took an acting class at Harvard last year, while acquiring his M.Ed., so we discussed the process for a while--I got excited again. Hopefully, not too excited. Meanwhile, I wait for the Jordan's Furniture guys to come with my new bureau, at last (all of my clothing is on my bed, so they better show up soon!), and then I can do a light workout (if there's time) and get to B.U. for the show. I have managed to fill the weekend rather well, and that may seem sort of sad, but it's a necessary strategy for me this time of year. Most importantly, I do feel much better--please, no more colds or the flu this season!!!--and so I hope that the eagerness to write will return, as my good health, knock on wood, has. Monday night after work, D. and I are going to discussion about making it in the arts at Boston College, and that could be somewhat interesting. I need to stay involved and in touch with people, and I can only hope that this will positively impact me. I'll keep you posted.
The Thanksgiving break was particularly frustrating for me. I don't really like this season, anyway, as the weather grows increasingly chilly and the nights come on more quickly, and I rather envy those who celebrate Christmas or have boyfriends/spouses to spend New Year's Eve with (hell, a *date* would be fine). But it's a lot harder to contend with when I'm feeling sick, and boy, did I get beaten down by this particular strain of cold. Since I was already feeling rather worn down before it arrived, my immune system was low. My friend C. from Buffalo was in that first weekend, and I didn't get enough sleep the first night she arrived, and then we were very busy the entire time she was here. That was great, and exactly what we both wanted, but between the chilly temperatures outside, contending with the IKEA adventure, and a lack of rest, I didn't have the chance to nip it in the bud (which may or may not have been possible), and by the time she left, I was really feeling awful. I went home early from work both Monday and Tuesday nights, and stayed in bed all day Wednesday, but the cold didn't get any better, and I drove out to my parents' house in Northern Mass feeling terrible by Thanksgiving morning.
All I wanted to do was sleep, but I also wanted to spend time with my sisters and their kids, and yet I wasn't up to it. I could barely taste the yummy food, I didn't have any energy, so couldn't really play with the nieces and nephew, and felt as if I were in a vacuum that had trapped me permanently. It was even hard to sleep at night, b/c I had difficulty breathing. I kept waiting to feel better, but I didn't, not the entire weekend, despite doing very little, resting, getting a lot of sleep, drinking a boatload of liquids, injesting major quantities of over-the-counter medicines, and so on. It was so disappointing to feel so awful, since the whole family only gets together once or twice a year, and I had really been looking forward to seeing everyone. It was scary, too, b/c I just felt so lousy (the way you feel when you have the flu), and I didn't know when I'd feel better (and I didn't start to feel like myself until this past Wednesday, so about 12 days after the cold's onset). The one thing colds do, however, is force you to slow down and to stop feeling so emotional about things. There was no way I could summon the energy to be really angry, or depressed, or anything. I was just focused on getting better.
As a result, when I got the second rejection email from a local theatre for my 10-minute play "Not A Competition" (this is the theatre that took five of my friends' works but not NAC or "Accept This!"), I could barely muster a response at all. It hurt, but far less than it normally would; of course, I also assumed that would be the case, so I was prepared for it. The rejection allowed me to move on, and I have. While I have no intention of attending either night of readings--I have to protect myself, after all--I am also not bitter or angry anymore, just disappointed and somewhat frustrated, and these are certainly manageable emotions, and reasonable ones as well. Yesterday, I got a listing about another local festival looking for short works, and I sent them off the two 10-minute plays that I sent the other theatre. I have been rejected from this theatre before, both for my writing and my acting, and I don't really see that it will be any different this year, but it was easy enough to email off the submissions, so I did. There was no fee, and there is no limit to the number of submissions one can give, so if I am to write another play that is perhaps a bit more tragic (they look for that emphasis), I'll send it along as well (the deadline is sometime in January). I am now going to forget that I ever sent them the plays, so that I will be less disappointed if/when they reject them (as I fully expect them to do).
D. is sending them a few works as well, but perhaps one under a pseudonym, for personal reasons, and I think that's a good idea. I rather wish I had done the same (and had I thought of it, I would have), b/c then it would have been a better indicator of whether I was truly being rejected b/c of the work or whether my identity had anything to do with it (and you can say it doesn't, but I don't believe it, unless the pieces are read blind, and I don't think they are, as opposed to, say, for the Boston Playwrights Theatre's competition, at least in the initial round). What I also feel right now is a general apathy and lack of motivation toward writing. I did spend about an hour revising my Santa play, but I can't honestly say that it reads much better than before, though I would like someone else to read it and give feedback (there just seem to be some awkward transitions; maybe it's simply too long, though it's now down to 9 pages). I met with my friend and former co-worker E. yesterday for tea in Coolidge Corner, and he asked if perhaps there was something I could do with the other two plays if they were consistently being rejected (e.g., work on the dialogue, the characterization, or the plot). But I honestly feel as if both plays work as is--I could be wrong, of course, and if no theatre ends up taking either one, perhaps this will be borne out--so I would just as soon leave them alone and move onto other material.
The issue, as I said, that I'm contending with now is this general lack of excitement about my writing. There is no question that the recent rejections have contributed to this, along with a general languour I encounter during this season, and of course my continuing recovery from this cold/flu. But I sit down at my computer (and granted, it's damned chilly in the winter, particularly when it's windy out, as it is today, b/c it's next to a drafty window) and I just can't muster the needed enthusiasm to work on anything new. I hope this won't be the case during the long holiday break, b/c I truly would like to work on the full-length (or one-act) dramatic piece I have in mind, and I'm not sure I'm going to feel like it. And if I don't, I don't really have a lot to do during this break. A. had to leave for Florida to take care of her ailing dad (he fell and badly injured his shoulder last weekend, and he's 85, with a dying girlfriend), and she probably won't be back for at least a month and maybe longer. This is a tough loss for me (and, naturally, is a lot tougher for her), and she is my playwright/movie buddy, confidante, and play reader/encourager. She told me I could send her plays via the internet, as she will have some access--more than she usually has--while she's in Florida, and I can certainly do that, but it's not the same.
I am volunteering to usher at a play tonight at Boston Playwrights Theatre b/c I want to see it--it's a new piece--and b/c I need to get out of the house, desperately, especially when I feel rather down. It's critical that I spend time with people or in areas where others are congregating (e.g., at a Starbucks). I can't be alone in my house for long periods of time; it's just not healthy for me, and I always need my time to be structured, but especially during this time of year. Unfortunately, we are also due to receive snow tomorrow, and I hope that won't keep me from going out to my parents after yoga (finally, I get to go again, after a two-class absence!) to watch the Patriots game. If it does, though, at least I will have gotten some exercise and I can read the paper and watch the game, so I won't be sitting around the house, idly twidling my thumbs. Really, though, I hope that my enthusiasm for writing will return soon, and maybe it will be back next weekend, when I again have Friday off (yesterday, I got my inspection sticker for my car, after receiving a $20 fee, had bathroom repairs done, exercised, and then met with E., so it was a busy and productive day).
Interestingly, I'm looking forward to two auditions coming up, this Wednesday for a new Kirsten Greenridge play, right before my playwrighting meeting, and next Tuesday for Another Country's SlamBoston festival in January and February 06, more than I am to writing. Funny thing, but I may have a chance (if I can just figure out how to have stronger auditions this go-round), and after talking to E. about acting for quite some time yesterday--he took an acting class at Harvard last year, while acquiring his M.Ed., so we discussed the process for a while--I got excited again. Hopefully, not too excited. Meanwhile, I wait for the Jordan's Furniture guys to come with my new bureau, at last (all of my clothing is on my bed, so they better show up soon!), and then I can do a light workout (if there's time) and get to B.U. for the show. I have managed to fill the weekend rather well, and that may seem sort of sad, but it's a necessary strategy for me this time of year. Most importantly, I do feel much better--please, no more colds or the flu this season!!!--and so I hope that the eagerness to write will return, as my good health, knock on wood, has. Monday night after work, D. and I are going to discussion about making it in the arts at Boston College, and that could be somewhat interesting. I need to stay involved and in touch with people, and I can only hope that this will positively impact me. I'll keep you posted.
posted by Sue B at 7:21 AM
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