Blah la la

Well, it's a cool, overcast day in Boston. I can't complain about that, b/c we had a week of wonderful weather (for me, anyway), sunny, warm and getting warmer through the week. Yesterday was actually hot and humid, with some sun, and I had a nice workout and then walked home (35 minutes). I spent the rest of the afternoon in, watching the Red Sox beat the Yankees (sweet) and then watching THE SECRET LIFE OF WORDS (not sweet; great acting by Sarah Polley, who now directs although only 28 years old, and Tim Robbins, whom I adore). I also watched OLD JOY on Friday night, a movie about paint drying--er, no, about two hippie-type guys who drive into the forest, enjoy the hot springs, and drive home. Thrilling, and yet the Boston Globe loved it. Go figure. I like indies, but only if they are compelling in some way. The former was, but it was also all over the place, with a tiday, unbelievable ending. The latter was just an exercise in nothingness. Today, I go to yoga (no class last week, due to Memorial Day, so I'm looking forward to it) and then a get together with the book clubbers. I hope it's fun. It was only so-so last time, but we haven't met for over a month, so we will have a lot to catch up on.

I am feeling pretty low these days, in pretty much all ways. Work is slow, and that never helps. I hope it picks up. I am working hard at weight loss, but it takes time, and I'm rather impatient. And then there's writing. Or lack of writing, in my case. I'm not sure if it's just the rejections I've received lately (a number of them), but I could care less about putting fingers to keyboard. My friend Shirley has been throwing out suggestions, and I've been filing them and continuing to do nothing. I know being rejected from Drekfest in Chicago was a huge disappointment. I thought a sent a really "good bad play," but apparently not bad enough, b/c a binger got in and I did not (nor did Shirley or anyone else I know who posts to the listserv). I had so hoped to go to Chicago, meet up with some other bingers and improv-types, and just get away. Now it won't happen, and I did think I had a good shot this time. I can't submit to Brown Couch, b/c you can only use one prop and a sofa, and since WEDNESDAYS has a few of them (and two are mandatory: the notebook Martha writes in to judge her dates and the tray with two cups of coffee and a cookie on it, the same thing she orders every time), Brown Couch won't take it. Now, don't get me wrong: they have over 300 entries, so my chances of getting in were pretty slim. But I did have the right kind of play for them this time--didn't have to revise it much at all, as it fit the theme--and now I can't submit it, and I tried to make it work, but I can't so it's ineligible. That hurt. Oh, and I got rejected by the Mass Arts Council yesterday. That I knew was coming, but you always hope you get lucky (the winners get $7500--I could have gone on a few writing retreats or conferences with that money). It was not to be.

When you want to write and just can't get motivated to do so, it feels like there is a major pit in my stomach. Yes, I can sit and try, but it feels like useless effort and a waste of time, and I ust don't want to. Since so much of the writing is in the process of doing it, what's the point if the process feels painful? I have gone through such periods, and they have gone away, and then I can get back to the business (though it isn't for me) of writing, but not now. I had a great time with Geralyn's podcast (go to http://glhorton.podomatic.com/ for my evening and many by Geralyn and others), but it didn't inspire me to write more (go figure). I am even sleeping pretty well, now that I had my medication revamped, but...nothing. I continue to hope that Emerson works out (not only that I can take the fall class but that it actually *runs*, which might not happen), b/c that will force me to write, and sometimes I need that. But for now, the well has run dry. I am very happy that THE SATCHEL is doing well at the Lakeshore Players festival in MN (according to Claudia, who also is directing a piece) and I look forward to seeing it in Framingham, MA in a few weeks, but...it isn't helping. I don't want to write. I don't really want to do anything, aside from work out and listen to the new Maroon 5 CD (very good). Yes, this, too, shall pass, and all I can do is wait it out. If I had somewhere to go to just chill out, that would help, I bet, but I don't so it won't. Thank God my mom does not have to have any more surgery, though she is still recovering from the first pass and the pain and the emotions that accompany the cancer diagnosis, and she has every right to feel this way. I won't say I don't--I can't entirely control it--but it's nearly summer and I want to feel happier. I want to, and I will, but it's not fun being in the middle of it. Maybe I will have more upbeat news next time.