Falling Down Is (Not So) Hard to Do

Well, I fell down the stairs today. I've done things like that before, but rarely has it been so scary. I've been working out too much--naturally--and as a result, my left knee has been pretty sore lately, along w/ my right heel (I think the latter is plantar fascitis, or however you spell it). I did my 45 minutes on the stationery bike today (level 10, hills), then situps and other floor exercises, and at the end was pretty tired and a bit achey. I went to the movies with my friend Anna to see Academy nominated shorts, animated and live action (it was okay, not great), and when it ended, we headed down some pretty steep, though carpeted, steps. I'm not sure what happened, but I think my left knee buckled, and I tumbled down four or five of them. It was frightening, b/c I *really* tumbled, and I couldn't stop myself. When I finally landed, I was pretty shaken up, and the conscientious managers grabbed a garbage bag of ice for my knee and a raspberry smoothie shake (pretty yummy, I have to say), and helped me recover my bearings. After about 15 minutes, I got up of my own accord and Anna and I went to Finagle a Bagel, where I age a hummus bagel and iced it more.

I was on the verge of tears and thought how lucky I was to have just bruised (hopefully not sprained) my knee (and as far as I know, the rest of my body is okay, though we'll see tomorrow). At the same time, I thought, as one is prone to do after something like this happens, how everything can change in an instant. What if I had sustained a concussion (as one of my sisters did earlier this week when she caught her foot in a chair and landed smack down on her head) or had broken my leg or my glasses or nose or far worse? Sure, my knee is uncomfortable (I'm icing as we...I...speak...er, type), and I attribute that in part to it already being weak, which seems incredibly unfair, as I'm trying soooo hard to lose weight and keep having setbacks in my workout progress. Still, I *can* walk, I can work out (or will be able to again in a few days, after rest and icing and Alleve), and many cannot. But of course we don't appreciate what we have til we lose it, or nearly do, and have to step back (or sit back, in my case) and think about our situation.

What doesn't get easier for me is engaging in a relationship with a man. Granted, I'm 41, but it wasn't much easier when I was 21 or 31 (or ll, for that matter). There were more available men then, true, but I wasn't ready to commit, or was too scared. I'm still scared but a lot more ready, and now there are very few men!!! Anna, who is also single, and I discussed this as I iced my elevated knee at dinner. Where do you meet these men? Online? Hardly (I've tried, trust me.) Personals ads? (Not successful for me.) Classes? (Women take classes; men seem to write on their own, and don't take acting classes unless they are gay; this is fine, of course, but of no help when looking for romance.) So where? Singles events? Well, there are a few, but they are usually disappointing? Work? Maybe, but I can't date (and wouldn't) students, and I don't meet many faculty (and many are already married or involved). So...where does this coupling happen? And when you've had few relationships, how can you tell if you meet the right (or potentially right) person? Should I give up? Should I risk injury, the way I have with my body when I work out (or just GO out!), or be content with my female friends and few male acquaintances? There is no right answer, of course. I just have to go about my week, working, working out (when I can), sending out plays, trying out for theatre groups, and hoping that somehow, someway, I meet a man if it's meant to be. In the meantime, I have to be more right with myself, including the stomach that isn't as flat as I'd like and the knee and heel that are sore and can't be pushed as hard as I'd like them to be.

But no one said this was going to be easy OR fun.

Back to the freezer...